It has been several years since I’ve looked in the mirror and liked what I’ve seen. At 262 pounds, I avoided mirrors, and cameras and pretended I didn’t have a problem. I told myself I didn’t look as heavy as I did. I would see someone I knew who was over weight and think “I don’t look nearly as big as she does.” When I got size 22 pants for Christmas I thought there was no way they would fit me, and when they did, I told myself it was because they were cheaply made, so they ran small. It’s funny how losing some of the weight has changed that.
The other day, I was going through photos for a before and after comparison. I know that I looked every bit the 262 pounds that I was. I know I fit in size 22 pants because I was overweight. I know I had a BMI of 43. I never had the guts to check it before starting this journey but when I put in my old weight, it said to “Take action immediately!” I was at an increased risk for so many things that could take me away from the beautiful children I prayed so hard to get. My 262 pounds didn’t look any different than anyone else who weighs more than 250 pounds, no matter what I told myself.
For a long time on my weight loss journey, rather than being proud of what I have accomplished, I see where I want to be, and am disappointed I let myself get to the point I did.
But something has changed in me recently. I’m not trying to sound conceded, but when I stop and think about it, I’m in awe of what I have accomplished. I have lost 80 pounds since October. That’s an average of nearly 9 pounds a month and have lost more than 12 inches in my hips alone (that since I did my measurements last, about 2 months ago)! I can fit comfortably into a size 12! I can walk a mile and barely get winded. I’m down to a 30 BMI (which is so close to being over weight vs obese). I can share a seat with my son and not feel like I’m squishing him.
Sometimes I find myself thinking, 80 pounds…I have lost 80 pounds. I have lost my 4 year old, my 2 year old niece and my 11 month old son with a couple pounds to spare.
This morning I looked in the mirror and noticed, there was no muffin top sticking over the top of my pants, there were no rolls on my back, and I never say this, but I looked good!
While I would generally worry about what people would think of me for tooting my own horn like this, today I don’t care. Today I’m proud of what I’ve done! Today, I’m happy with my body, and while I still have more left I want to lose, I’m a different person from here on, no matter how many more sizes I drop and that is something I should be proud of!