Monthly Archives: September 2013

The Race I’ve Been Waiting For

There are some things I just never thought I would ever do in my life.  Running for more than 3 miles at once, is one of those things.  I’ve done 5K’s throughout the year, but I have struggled with all of them and had yet to finish a race that I didn’t have to stop to walk.  I found myself to be disappointed.  I had heard about all these people who talked about running a 5K being a life altering experience, a turning point, something they will always be proud of.  I thought it was all a load of crap. 

Running a 5K was never something I even wanted to do, until I couldn’t do it.  Every other 5K I have done this season, I thought running the entire distance was something I would never achieve; in the car on the way to the race, I didn’t think it was going to happen, when I said the words out loud after registration, I thought it was just out of my reach.  I never thought I would be able to run a 5K.  Standing at the start line, I just knew I would have to stop to walk.  A mile in, I knew I hadn’t trained enough and there was no way I’d be able to pull it off.  Up until I crossed the finish line; my legs numb from my accomplishment, I never thought I would run a 5K. 

This was the race I have been waiting for.  I didn’t disappoint myself; I wouldn’t disappoint myself.  I wanted to finish in under 40 minutes and my official time was 38:25.  I did it!  I wrapped my arms around the neck of my husband and a flood of emotions came over me, like I have not experienced in any other part of my life other than when I had my babies.  I did something I never thought I would be able to do.  I pushed through when all I wanted to do was collapse.  It was a feeling I could never describe; relief, adrenaline, exhaustion and pride all wrapped up into a euphoric moment.


This race was unlike any I have done so far.  It’s called the Fit at 5K put on by a local TV station.  One of the TV personalities does a weekly segment on dieting, exercising, health, fitness.  The 5K started 5 years ago and I’ve seen the stories on the news about it, but they cannot do justice to the power of this event.  Everyone is there for the same reason.  Everyone is there to face an obstacle, to do something they never thought they’d do.  Some have accomplished amazing weight loss and fitness goals along the way, others were just getting started.  You could feel the support of the people around you, every step of the way.


I thought this was a fitting cough drop wrapper the morning of my race!

Around the start of mile 2, I overheard a woman running in front of me saying, I can’t believe I’m doing this.  I then spent probably the next half mile running with this woman and her friend.  We learned between the 3 of us, we had lost 200 pounds.  When I was struggling to keep moving, one of them said, “I just keep telling myself, ‘Stopping is not an option.'”  Her words kept me going after they fell back in the pack a little bit. 

Another motivator was seeing one of my former co-workers at about the 2.5 mile marker.  I yelled a hello to her, and her jaw dropped.  I think I even picked up my pace for a few minutes after that. 

After a half a mile I wanted to stop, after a mile and pretty much every step after that, but I didn’t.  At one point, while there were no other runners around me, I had a conversation with myself out loud.  I repeatedly told myself this was my goal and I was going to accomplish it.  I crested the top of the hill and I knew that was the 3 mile mark and I sprinted.  I ran as hard and as fast as I could toward that finish line. 

And in that moment, I experienced what so many others have talked about.  I looked my husband in the eye and brokenly told him, I did it without walking one step and I cried.  I cried for what I allowed myself to become, I cried for the years I wasted being unhappy and inactive.  I cried for all that I have accomplished and for my husband there at the finish line.  I let go for the first time since I started my journey.  I didn’t think about how many pounds I had left or what my next workout would be.  I was proud of myself and instead of beating myself up for it taking as long as it did to get to the place where I’m at today, or for letting meself get to the point I had, I left it behind me. 

I still get chocked up thinking about it.  I did this, all on my own.  I set a goal for myself and I overcame the voice screaming inside my head telling me I’m not good enough, because I am. 


Posted by on September 30, 2013 in Uncategorized


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I Think I Can

This coming weekend is what will likely be my last 5K until next spring.  If you’ve seen any of my past posts about running, this is not my favorite activity, but when I started running for the first time this spring, I set a goal of running an entire 5K without stopping to walk.

I was on quite a roll for a while and have managed I think four races so far this year.  One of the last ones I did, I was so close to that goal I thought it would be a cake walk to accomplish my goal.  Now here I am, at the end of September, with one last 5K  I’m signed up for and I have yet to accomplish that goal.

The first 5K’s that I ran I didn’t really do any training.  I went for one run a week and when I started I couldn’t even go a mile without stopping to walk.  At one point, I knew I could go 2.5 miles, no problem without stopping to walk, and then I stopped running.  Apparently even once a week was better than no at all.  This past couple of weeks I have tried really hard to get back in the swing and to get my distance back up there.  At this point, I’m back up to 2.3 miles, but I’m struggling.

I think a lot of my problem is in my own head.  I know it is going to be mind over matter, or mind over body.  I know I am capable, but I’m just getting in my own way.  I can do this.  Whether I hit the road again before my race or not, I am capable.  I just have to keep reminding myself, I can do this.  I am strong and I’m certainly stronger than I was 3 months ago.  I’ve got this…right?


Posted by on September 23, 2013 in Uncategorized


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A Super Slippery Slope

After being stuck on the scale for almost 3 weeks, I decided this week I was going to try mixing up my diet to try to trick my body into losing again.  I’ve tried mixing up my exercise routine without the numbers budging.  I know people who have take a diet break week.  They get a little lax on their diet, then get right back to it the following week.  They may gain a pound that week they take off, but the next week their body starts to let go of the pounds again.

Ever since I began doing Weight Watchers I have tried not to eat my flex points or my activity points.  When I started I had enough points to be satisfied.  I didn’t need to use the extras.  As the pounds dropped off, so did the number of points I could have in a day and I just never started eating those extra points, mostly because I was afraid to.  I was afraid that after so long of not using them, that I would gain if I did.

In the last few months, now that I’m down to a lower amount of points, I’ve found myself using some of my activity points occasionally.

This week I had decided I would eat all of my activity points and all my flex points.  They are there for a reason, yet I still feel guilty using them, and I’m terrified.  I know I should be using those points this week to eat more healthy options such as lean proteins and peanut butter and such.  Instead, I had apple crisp and ice cream last night (not a ton, maybe an eighth of a cup of each), I had a chocolate cookie for breakfast and Chinese food for lunch.  And when I say Chinese food, I mean the good stuff, an egg roll, teriyaki chicken and crab rangoons.

For me it is a slippery slope.  In the past I would never have described myself as a food addict, but in the last couple months I have come to see myself as a recovering one.  I LOVE the taste of food.  I would occasionally eat my feelings before, but mostly, I just love how it tastes.  Indulging in these kids of foods scares me.  I see how easy it would be to slip back in to old habits.  I see how one bite just leads to another until I’m so drunk on food I don’t care what it’s doing to my body.

These last few months, I have been in control.  Today, for the first time in nearly a year, I had no control and didn’t care to.  This afternoon, I stood in my kitchen and finished off the order of crab rangoons (I shouldn’t have bothered to box them up and take them home), and now here I sit feeling, hungry, guilty and fat.  I’m sure I haven’t gained 10 pounds today, but seeing my reflection in my computer monitor I would swear my second chin is rearing her ugly head.

I’m not sure if I can handle this whole reset for my body.  I want so badly to get to the magic BMI number that will give me lifetime membership at Weight Watchers, but I want to be healthy for my family more.  I want to be active and fit so I can play with my kids, I want to have the energy to wake up with them in the morning and not spend the afternoon sleeping on the couch.  This reset may jump start the scale, but then again, it may not.  And then what?  Then I’ve spent a week with old bad habits.  I still have about flex points left (before my official dinner), so maybe 10 by tomorrow.  Didn’t take long to polish those off!  But before I eat those last 10 flex points, I’m going to force myself to stop and reflect on what they will mean for my sanity, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll make a decision I will be happy with tomorrow.

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Posted by on September 19, 2013 in Uncategorized


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Blog Title Change

So I decided to go ahead and change my blog title.  After a suggestion to change it to “Lost it” which on a mental level, most days I have, I decided to go with “Braver, Stronger.”  I have those words written on my gym bag.  I picked them from one of my favorite quotes.  Christopher Robin says it to Winner the Pooh.  “You are braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem…”  I think that’s fitting for this blog!


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Posted by on September 18, 2013 in Uncategorized


To Change the Blog Name or Not to Change It

I just discovered this week I might perhaps be bordering on copyright infringement with the name of my blog.  Apparently “Losing It” is the same thing Jillian Michaels uses.  How I missed that in the beginning, I’m not really sure.  So now I’m face with the decision of whether or not I want to change my blog title.  Is it that big of a deal?  Is she going to come after me with a lawsuit?  who knows, but I’m not sure I can to find out. 

Don’t be surprised if the next blog post you see from me has a different title.  That is if I can figure out how to change it….


Posted by on September 18, 2013 in Uncategorized


Numbers on The Way Down Again

Don’t want to say too much, but after 2 weeks of being stuck at the same weight to the ounce, it looks like as of this morning, that number might be finally moving down again.  I’m convinced I got stuck because I jinxed myself by saying I thought I could get my 100 pounds before my 1 year Weight Watchers Anniversary on October 14th. 

My official weigh in isn’t until Wednesday, so it doesn’t much matter what the scale said today, what matters is what it says then, but I have to say, seeing that number budge, even a little is good for my spirits!

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Posted by on September 16, 2013 in Uncategorized


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The Week After Break Week

Last week was break week at the Y where I do most of my working out.  They are still open, but none of the classes are held.  I was planning to take break week to train for my 5K I have coming up in a few weeks, but that plan didn’t work so well.  I ended up taking most of break week as a break week for myself as well.  I did spend about a half an hour total at the gym, went for a run with my sister, but otherwise, it was pretty lazy.

This week it was back to it full force.  Zumba on Monday felt amazing after my Sunday run.  All my muscles were so tight, it stretched everything back out.  Later that night, for the first time in a long time, I was sore after zumba.  Once all those muscles tightened back up, ugh.

The next day it was TRX (Cardio Blast), and for the first time since I started doing TRX, I thought I might not be able to make it the entire class, and it was about 10 minutes shorter than usual.  Wednesday, I was sore, all over!  I didn’t make it to zumba that night because we didn’t have a sitter, but I was at TRX bright and early Thursday (holy sweaty workout!)

This morning I hauled my butt out of bed and managed a 2.3 mile run.  It wasn’t the 2.5 miles I wanted, but it’s better than nothing (another run on Sunday!  I will run the entire 5K on the 29th without stopping to walk!) Then at lunchtime did some toning zumba.

I’m tired, but I feel like I have more energy than I did last week sitting at home.  I missed it!  Never thought I would, but I did.  That being said, next break week will not be a break week for me.  Too quickly my body reverts back to lazy and then that restart the next week is so much harder.  Just have to keep the momentum moving forward!

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Posted by on September 14, 2013 in Uncategorized


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