After being stuck on the scale for almost 3 weeks, I decided this week I was going to try mixing up my diet to try to trick my body into losing again. I’ve tried mixing up my exercise routine without the numbers budging. I know people who have take a diet break week. They get a little lax on their diet, then get right back to it the following week. They may gain a pound that week they take off, but the next week their body starts to let go of the pounds again.
Ever since I began doing Weight Watchers I have tried not to eat my flex points or my activity points. When I started I had enough points to be satisfied. I didn’t need to use the extras. As the pounds dropped off, so did the number of points I could have in a day and I just never started eating those extra points, mostly because I was afraid to. I was afraid that after so long of not using them, that I would gain if I did.
In the last few months, now that I’m down to a lower amount of points, I’ve found myself using some of my activity points occasionally.
This week I had decided I would eat all of my activity points and all my flex points. They are there for a reason, yet I still feel guilty using them, and I’m terrified. I know I should be using those points this week to eat more healthy options such as lean proteins and peanut butter and such. Instead, I had apple crisp and ice cream last night (not a ton, maybe an eighth of a cup of each), I had a chocolate cookie for breakfast and Chinese food for lunch. And when I say Chinese food, I mean the good stuff, an egg roll, teriyaki chicken and crab rangoons.
For me it is a slippery slope. In the past I would never have described myself as a food addict, but in the last couple months I have come to see myself as a recovering one. I LOVE the taste of food. I would occasionally eat my feelings before, but mostly, I just love how it tastes. Indulging in these kids of foods scares me. I see how easy it would be to slip back in to old habits. I see how one bite just leads to another until I’m so drunk on food I don’t care what it’s doing to my body.
These last few months, I have been in control. Today, for the first time in nearly a year, I had no control and didn’t care to. This afternoon, I stood in my kitchen and finished off the order of crab rangoons (I shouldn’t have bothered to box them up and take them home), and now here I sit feeling, hungry, guilty and fat. I’m sure I haven’t gained 10 pounds today, but seeing my reflection in my computer monitor I would swear my second chin is rearing her ugly head.
I’m not sure if I can handle this whole reset for my body. I want so badly to get to the magic BMI number that will give me lifetime membership at Weight Watchers, but I want to be healthy for my family more. I want to be active and fit so I can play with my kids, I want to have the energy to wake up with them in the morning and not spend the afternoon sleeping on the couch. This reset may jump start the scale, but then again, it may not. And then what? Then I’ve spent a week with old bad habits. I still have about flex points left (before my official dinner), so maybe 10 by tomorrow. Didn’t take long to polish those off! But before I eat those last 10 flex points, I’m going to force myself to stop and reflect on what they will mean for my sanity, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll make a decision I will be happy with tomorrow.