Monthly Archives: October 2013

Struggling to Find my Way

I’ve heard a lot of people talk about how hard it it to lose weight.  As someone who has managed to drop a large number of pounds to this point, I have come to the determination that 15 pounds is way harder than 100.

With a big amount of weight to lose you have the determination and the drive to get the weight off.  For me, I knew it was life or death, happiness or misery.  For me, the pounds came off so much faster 100 pounds ago.  2-3 pounds a week was the norm, and if I had a week that I lost less than a pound, I considered the week a loss. 

At this point in my weight loss, if I lose a pound in a week, I’m ecstatic!  Right now I’m about 12 pounds away from my goal weight.  I’m pretty certain, I’ve been 12 pounds from goal weight for the last 2 months (I’m being dramatic, but it feels like forever).  I go down a half a pound, then up a pound, then back down a pound and I just keep hovering around the 161 mark.

There are a couple of reasons I see this being the case.  I’m happy with my body and my health where it is.  The main reason for my desire to get to goal weight is for the coveted Wight Watchers lifetime membership.  If that wasn’t a goal I set for myself in the beginning, I would say forget it and move on to maintaining on my own.  My doctor offered to “Support me in whatever” I decide to be the best weight for me at this point, She told me if I plateaued, to let her know, and we’d come up with a goal weight number together.  That being said, I think I’ve still got those last 12 pounds I can lose, if I can just figure out the right formula for it.

When I started doing weight watchers, I never used my flex points.  I didn’t feel as thought I needed to, I had plenty to use, and when I started working out in January, I never used any of my activity points either. I kind of felt like it defeated the hard work I was putting in at the gym if I then ate the points I earned.  I was working out to lose weight and get healthy, not so I could eat more.

Now I have found at the minimum daily points allowance of 26 I have to eat some of those extra points.  Not because I’m starving, but my body thinks it is.  If you figure on a given day, I earn 5 activity points, subtract that from my 26 daily and I’m only having 21 per day.  The average point (according to internet sources so take it how you like) is 38-40 calories.  That equals out to about 1,000 a day, no wonder my body thinks it’s starving!  One the days I do zumba, I burn between 550-600 calories!  That leaves me with only 400-500 to survive!  So now I’m trying to find the balance.  Trying to figure out how many activity points I need to eat on the days I hit the gym, and how many flex points to keep the numbers going down.

I feel like I’m eating more now than I have in months.  I feel guilty to splurge, but actually had a week a couple weeks back that a gained 2 pounds in 3 days while not using any flex or activity points than dropped 2.5 in the following 4 days be eating all my flex and activity points.  I’m so confused because the plan I’ve been doing for so long is no longer working for me.  I’m doing a lot of guess and check which isn’t helping put consistent numbers on the scale.

On Tuesday, one of the trainers at the gym I go to has offered to take a few minutes to go over some weight training with me.  At this point, burning all those calories with cardio may not be the best option for me.  We’ll see if I can get the balance figured out.  Until then, it’s more guess and check…and after reading this blog, it appears to be almost as jumbled as my thoughts on my diet!

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Posted by on October 28, 2013 in Uncategorized


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A Lot Can Change in a Year

it has been 1 year since I walked in to my first Weight Watchers meeting.  I remember that morning like it was yesterday.  I was nervous, clammy; I was ashamed.


I walked into the room a woman who hadn’t looked her husband in the eyes in months.  I walked in unable to stand for long periods of time, unable to go grocery shopping without discomfort.  At 27, I weighed 262.1 pounds and I was ready to make a change.  I had no idea when I walked in to that room how much this journey would change my life.

It started slow for me.  A lot of people talk about how the first week of a new diet they drop pounds like crazy, but I didn’t.  At least not as fast as I wanted to.  I was afraid I would fail.  I had failed before, and I was certain I would again, but I refused to let it keep me from trying.  I beat myself up everyday for allowing myself to get to the point that I did but somewhere along the way, something in me changed.


As the pounds came off, I gradually hid myself a little less.

In January, I started going to the gym and that’s when the real changes were set into motion for me.  I was proud of the weight I had lost, but I still felt weak.  I didn’t think I was capable of achieving my goals, even though I was working at it and getting there.  I was still ashamed and still looked in the mirror and saw 262 pounds.

Working out has changed not only my body or the numbers on the scale, it has changed me.  I no longer feel weak but I feel strong and capable.

I often find myself thinking after a sweaty, grueling workout, ‘Who is this person?’  Or after watching the sun rise on my ride home from the gym; after using the excuse on more than 100 occasions that I couldn’t get up to workout because I needed my rest, I wonder how I would start my days without accomplishing something before the sun comes up.  I look my husband in the eye, I play with my kids, I’m not to goal weight yet, but I’m happy.  I’m ok with myself.  I’m ok with my body and I’m thrilled with how fair I have come.

I am capable of so much more than I ever gave myself credit for and one thing I have learned over this past year, is I will never sell myself short again.  In April, I was convinced I could never run more than a mile without stopping to walk, and a couple weeks ago, I ran 3; when I was a cheerleader in high school, I couldn’t do 1 push up, and now I’m able to do 5 at a time (not much to some, but a lot to me).


I have 12 pounds left to my goal weight, but that is now the after thought rather than the per-cursor.  It’s no longer about the pounds, or the numbers on the scale, it is how I feel, which is the complete opposite from what it has ever been.

I have fought myself every step along the way.  I’ve wanted to give up.  I have struggled to finish workouts, but I have finished them.  I have lost 100 pounds and more than that, I feel comfortable in my own skin.  I no longer have a BMI of 43 (I’m down to a 27 BMI).  I tried on a dress yesterday that was a size 4!  A size 4!  From a size 22!  At first I was self conscious about the skin on my legs left behind from loosing 100 pounds, but then I felt hot!

size 4

After years of trying my hardest to blend in, I’m ready to be seen.  Yesterday I bought my first ever “little black dress” and a pair of blue pumps.  I cant wait to wear them for our wedding anniversary this coming weekend.  I haven’t worn heels since before I got pregnant with my first son (about 5 years ago).  I never could have imagined when I walked into that Weight Watchers meeting year ago how my life would change, how I would change and how amazing it would feel.


Posted by on October 15, 2013 in Uncategorized


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Getting Comfortable

It’s amazing how safe a routine can become.  Every Monday and Wednesday I spend doing an hour of zumba, every Tuesday and Thursday, I do TRX, I’ve added spin to my Friday routine.  I’ve gotten so used to it now, that I’m afraid to stray from it at all.  I know that I work Monday, Wednesday and half a day Friday, and while I don’t make tons of money and have considered looking for a part-time job where I could make more money, I’m comfortable.  I know I’ll be out of work on time to make it to my classes.  The fear of the unknown keeps me where I am.

It was the same story before I started losing weight.  I was comfortable.  I didn’t want to leave my kids to take time to go to the gym.  My husband loved me the way I was, so what difference did it make if I dropped the pounds?

At what point did I stop taking risks?  When did I start worrying so much about making others happy?  Look at where I’ve come.  If I hadn’t take that first step, gone out of my comfort zone, I wouldn’t be where I am today.  That doesn’t make change any less scarey to me.  It just reminds me, as terrifying as it may be, as hard as it is to admit I might fail, sometimes it’s worth it, and sometimes it’s for the best.

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Posted by on October 9, 2013 in Uncategorized


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Couldn’t Do It Without Him

I’ve bragged in the past about how lucky I am to have my amazing husband in my life.  He has been so supportive along the way on my weight loss journey and his role has gotten even more important over the last couple of weeks. 

Our 4 year old started Pre-K this fall.  I was a little nervous it might make my workout schedule hard to keep on track.  He has to e at school in the morning at 8.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays I have TRX from 6:30-7:15. 

Every Tuesday and Thursday, he gets up and gets our oldest ready for school, gets our youngest breakfast (the other eats at school), gets both boys dressed, gets himself ready for work and allows me to hop in the shower when I get home so we can be out the door by 7:45.  He also holds down the fort on Monday’s while I work all day (it’s his day off) and never complains that I don’t come home until 6:30 so I can do zumba after work.  When I get home, both boys have been fed and there’s usually dinner waiting for me when I walk through the door.  Not all husbands are as supportive and willing to take on the role that mine does.  If it wasn’t for him making sure everything is being done at home, I would feel guilty with every workout, or not have time to squeeze it in at all. 

Last night was a rough night with our youngest.  For some reason, Mr. Man didn’t want to sleep at all.  My husband got up and took him out in the living room where he spent the entire night so I could sleep.  He knew I had TRX this morning, so instead of coming in to wake me up so we could take turns, he just did it, no questions asked and no complaints.  I’m a lucky lady.  While the oldest was at school, I took a nap with the youngest.  It’s my turn to be up all night tonight.


Posted by on October 8, 2013 in Uncategorized


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A Fashion Trend I Probably Won’t Be Sporting

While I was having babies and getting perfectly plump, I missed a fashion trend.  While out window shopping, looking for my favorite flare leg jeans, I struggled to find anything other than skinny jeans or jeggings.  While I love the idea of something on my body being “skinny” this mam body simply is not built for them anymore.  I tried on a pair into Old Navy, and while I managed to get them on, my calves are a little on the meaty side and every step I took, they pulled down my pants.

While in a store, surrounded by only skinny jeans and jeggings, I thought, why not try them on and see what all the fuss is about.  In my personal opinion, there are some body types that jeggings are just not made for, mine included.  I’m wearing leggings today for the first time since I was 8, and the only reason I have them at all is because I have this great sweater dress that I love!

I have determined after having children, I now understand the term “mom jeans.”  I’m pretty lucky in the sense that after my kids were born, my waist has come back.  The only problem is, below the waist there is a pouch of skin that I’m convinced never will be the same.  I like my jeans to come up over that, making it look flat and fabulous.  Jeggings and skinny jeans just don’t cut it!  Guess I’ll have to start shopping in some different places that actually still carry the mom jeans.  You know?  The ones we never would have been caught dead in as teens but with babies, now we can’t live without.

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Posted by on October 4, 2013 in Uncategorized


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A Second Opinion And My Goal Weight Is Set

A couple of weeks ago I went into the doctor’s office and spoke with the provider that I saw about what my goal weight should be.  She thought it was absolutely criminal (literally) of me to think my ideal weight may not be written on a BMI chart.

This week, I had an appointment with my actual primary care provider.  She sang a slightly different tune, and was so much easier to chat with about what I’m looking for health wise.  First, let me start by saying, I was not against the BMI recommendations, I’m just feeling so great and so happy with where I am, I’m anxious to start the next part of my journey to maintain, and also wanted to be sure the numbers I was setting for myself were healthy ones for me.

After sitting down with my doctor, we determined my goal weight should be right around 150, which is close to what the BMI chart suggests (145).  She outright stated she would not want to see me get below 150 with my body fat percentage already at a healthy number.  That gives me 18 more pounds to shed.

My doctor also told me if I found myself hitting a plateau before that, to give her a call and she would “support me in my weight decision.”  I was pretty excited after leaving the doctor that day.  I’ve been working really hard towards becoming a better, healthier me and I felt like all those hours spent at the gym, away from my family, away from my kids, is all worth.  I have worked hard to become the mother I wasn’t before.

I know these last 18 pounds aren’t going to fall off.  Why should they?  The other 94 didn’t.  But at this point, my goal is in site.  Losing 112 pounds seemed impossible when I started, but now, it seems inevitable.

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Posted by on October 3, 2013 in Uncategorized


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Wanted to Share

I wanted to share the news story from the amazing 5K I did over the weekend.  This was such an amazing experience!  The before picture of me in this story used to make me sick to my stomach, now I look at it and see how far I’ve come, and I’m proud that that woman in that picture had the courage to look herself in the mirror and say, I deserve more than this.

Feel free to watch the video by clicking here!

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Posted by on October 2, 2013 in Uncategorized


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