it has been 1 year since I walked in to my first Weight Watchers meeting. I remember that morning like it was yesterday. I was nervous, clammy; I was ashamed.
I walked into the room a woman who hadn’t looked her husband in the eyes in months. I walked in unable to stand for long periods of time, unable to go grocery shopping without discomfort. At 27, I weighed 262.1 pounds and I was ready to make a change. I had no idea when I walked in to that room how much this journey would change my life.
It started slow for me. A lot of people talk about how the first week of a new diet they drop pounds like crazy, but I didn’t. At least not as fast as I wanted to. I was afraid I would fail. I had failed before, and I was certain I would again, but I refused to let it keep me from trying. I beat myself up everyday for allowing myself to get to the point that I did but somewhere along the way, something in me changed.
As the pounds came off, I gradually hid myself a little less.
In January, I started going to the gym and that’s when the real changes were set into motion for me. I was proud of the weight I had lost, but I still felt weak. I didn’t think I was capable of achieving my goals, even though I was working at it and getting there. I was still ashamed and still looked in the mirror and saw 262 pounds.
Working out has changed not only my body or the numbers on the scale, it has changed me. I no longer feel weak but I feel strong and capable.
I often find myself thinking after a sweaty, grueling workout, ‘Who is this person?’ Or after watching the sun rise on my ride home from the gym; after using the excuse on more than 100 occasions that I couldn’t get up to workout because I needed my rest, I wonder how I would start my days without accomplishing something before the sun comes up. I look my husband in the eye, I play with my kids, I’m not to goal weight yet, but I’m happy. I’m ok with myself. I’m ok with my body and I’m thrilled with how fair I have come.
I am capable of so much more than I ever gave myself credit for and one thing I have learned over this past year, is I will never sell myself short again. In April, I was convinced I could never run more than a mile without stopping to walk, and a couple weeks ago, I ran 3; when I was a cheerleader in high school, I couldn’t do 1 push up, and now I’m able to do 5 at a time (not much to some, but a lot to me).
I have 12 pounds left to my goal weight, but that is now the after thought rather than the per-cursor. It’s no longer about the pounds, or the numbers on the scale, it is how I feel, which is the complete opposite from what it has ever been.
I have fought myself every step along the way. I’ve wanted to give up. I have struggled to finish workouts, but I have finished them. I have lost 100 pounds and more than that, I feel comfortable in my own skin. I no longer have a BMI of 43 (I’m down to a 27 BMI). I tried on a dress yesterday that was a size 4! A size 4! From a size 22! At first I was self conscious about the skin on my legs left behind from loosing 100 pounds, but then I felt hot!
After years of trying my hardest to blend in, I’m ready to be seen. Yesterday I bought my first ever “little black dress” and a pair of blue pumps. I cant wait to wear them for our wedding anniversary this coming weekend. I haven’t worn heels since before I got pregnant with my first son (about 5 years ago). I never could have imagined when I walked into that Weight Watchers meeting year ago how my life would change, how I would change and how amazing it would feel.