After 1 year and about a month, my weight loss journey has ended and changed. Today I hit my goal weight!
After weeks of being stuck, I contacted my doctor last Wednesday and talked to her about doing a doctor’s note for me for my goal weight. It took me 3 weeks to lose .6 pounds and I was getting frustrated, and scared of gaining out of frustration and confusion.
My doctor’s office called me Monday and told me my note was available to be picked up. A flood of emotions came over me. First was relief. The pressure of that 10 more pounds I wanted for my original goal was all the sudden gone. The stress of trying to figure out what tricks I had up my sleeve to make my body go back into weight loss mode was relieved.
Next came fear. What if I can’t maintain that weight. What if I lose during my maintain window, or worse, what if I gain. I have trusted the process for over a year now, but how do I trust it when I’m adding points back into my diet?
Then came disappointment. This was the first time in my weight loss journey I had set a goal that I would not attain. I really wanted that weight goal and in the emotion, I let myself down. I didn’t get there, I gave up on pushing. Yes I had been stuck for a few weeks, but I let the fear of slipping put the brakes on all together.
As I type this now, I’m at the goal weight set for me by my doctor. I had 2 pounds left to lose to get there, and after 3 weeks of hardly budging on the scale, I lost 2 pounds.
I’m still trying to work through all these emotions. The relief is still there, the fear is still there and so is the disappointment; that is the one I’m trying the hardest to overcome. I know I didn’t make it to that number of the scale I had set for myself, but… I lost 102 pounds! I’ve gotten to a healthy percentage of body fat, I’ve lost 50 inches from my body (64 if you count each leg and each arm separately) and I’ve gone from a size 22 to a 6. When I started, I wanted to be healthy and I am. Truth be told, when I first set my goal a year ago, I had set it 15 pounds higher than I am right now.
I’m trying to focus on what I have accomplished and how much more those accomplishments mean than a number on a scale.