My body has been through a lot in the past few years; weight loss followed by even greater weight gain, carrying and giving birth to 2 children then losing more than 100 pounds. I know I should be praising this body of mine for all it’s put up with from me other the last couple of years, so why then is it so hard to see past the flaws?
There are days when I look in the mirror and I’m so proud of what I see. Those days are most certainly more frequent than they ever were in the past. Then there are other days when I’m disappointed. After I got pregnant, I knew that my days of wearing a bikini were likely limited, and I was OK with that. I wear my tiger strips with pride because it is proof of the most amazing things my body has even been capable of.
However, I have put in a lot of hard work over the past 18 months to lose the weight and to get fit. I never thought about the possibility that I would look a bit like a deflated balloon, all over, without any clothes on. Not that I’m a nudist or spend a lot of time walking around in the buff, but I would love to rock a pair of shorts this summer and feel good about it, not the shorts that barely cover my backside, but perhaps a pair that sit at all above the knee. At this point, You couldn’t pay me enough to do that!
I see photos online of all of these people who have lost a significant amount of weight and have stunning muscle definition and no skin sag and I wonder if it is reality, and if it is reality, if it ever will be reality for me, without hours under the knife and months of recovery. I can feel the muscles I’ve worked so hard to rebuild, I know they are there, I know that’s what matters, but man, would I like to see them. They are hidden under the layers of what I did to myself; my punishment for getting to the point I did.
My sister and I have talked in the past about weight loss and skin sag. She has also lost a significant amount of weight and when she told me she feels like she looks so much better with clothes on now that she’s lost weight, but that she looked a lot better naked when the fat was filling it out I thought she was crazy and now that I’m there myself, I completely agree. I know there are those haters who will say if I hadn’t allowed myself to get so pleasantly plump to begin with, my body wouldn’t look the way that is does now, but I did, and it does and I’m getting there. If not physically, emotionally…
I read a blog a while ago about lose skin after weight loss and her take on it was so inspiring. She said she saw it as a reminder of how far she had come and while I hope to someday see it that way I’m just not there yet. So I’ll keep working out, building more muscle, tightening and toning what was filled out for so long. While I’m certain I will never wear a bikini again (that’s OK with me, my boys were more than worth it) maybe someday I’ll rock a pair of shorts somewhere other than my own living room. In the meantime I will appreciate winter for nothing else other than tights! (But then I did just post a picture on the internet so why not wear shorts!)
P.S. It’s a good thing my husband loves me and thinks I;m beautiful no matter what. If he ever saw me with the eyes I occasionally see myself with…