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Monthly Archives: May 2014

Words Will Always Hurt Me

Oh, the innocence of a child. Today I was taken aback when my 5 year old simply stated an observation that has left me teary. I was laying on my bed and my shirt had ridden up exposing about 2 inches of my belly. He asked me to cover it up, and I have no idea what I was expecting when I asked why but the answer I got stung. He replied with, “it’s so big I just don’t like it.”

There are areas I am more self conscious of than others and my legs and stomach top that list. I have carried 2 babies and 112 extra pounds and while I continue to work at it, I will likely never have a six pack, or washboard abs. I will always have stretch marks and unless I strike it rich, I will always have some skin that will likely never tighten.  I have accepted this yet it still hurt. He appologized when I told him he had hurt my feelings but he was simply stating something he saw as a fact.

This on the heels of a rough dressing room fitting yesterday when I tried on a pair of workout shorts and all I saw was rolls of skin. I usually try to stay positive and try to see how far I have come but sometimes all I see is if I hadn’t gotten so far gone to begin with I wouldn’t have had to make the journey I have and maybe those words wouldn’t hurtso very badly.

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Posted by on May 27, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Reflections in the Mirror

I was reading something the other day about maintenance and how after the newness of weight loss has worn off, you start to feel like you’re getting heavier again.  While your weight may not have moved an ounce on the scale, you start to feel like you’re putting back on some of the pounds that you’ve lost.  I’ve been fighting that feeling for a few weeks now.  I got t my goal weight back in November and was thrilled with that, then decided I had 5 more pounds I could lose, then 5 more… I’m not 10 pounds under my goal and while the scale hasn’t moved, I feel like I’ve gained.

Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten used to losing.  For the past year and a half, every time I stepped on the scale I wanted the number to be going down…maybe I’m searching for the sense of accomplishment I always got when I had a good weigh in.  Whatever it is, I find myself content for a couple weeks, then wanting to take off a couple more, then maybe a couple more.  It’s got me thinking, will I ever be totally satisfied with my own body image?  Will it ever be enough?

 
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Posted by on May 19, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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How Times Have Changed

This weekend, I got to spend an amazing Mother’s Day with my favorite boys.  Not that I don’t get to spend time with them on a regular basis, but Mother’s Day is blissful for me, mostly because my husband lets me sleep in and I am off diaper duty for the day.  We usually go out to breakfast (or I get served breakfast in bed) and usually eat out for another meal. 

However, looming over my head was the stubborn 3 pounds that have found their way back on to my body.  I’ve been trying for 3 weeks to get rid of!  I’ve been following the Weight Watchers Plan, staying within my points, exercising regularly, tracking; all of it!  Members come to me with concerns about this all the time, and it’s so easy to help them work through it, but when you’re trying to talk to yourself, it doesn’t always have the same effect. 

So, I made a decision.  I knew we would be going out to dinner with my parents, sister’s family and grandmothers on Saturday and Sunday we were planning breakfast out with my in-laws, so I decided I was going to eat whatever I wanted, and I did. 

This weekend put a couple things into prospective for me.  First, eating “whatever I want” is so different for me now.  For dinner I had lemon, pepper haddock with a baked potato, (which is a far cry from a burger and fries).  For desert, I shared a sundae with my mom.  Could I have eaten en entire one by myself?  You bet!  And I would have before.  As far as the sundae goes, there was another HUGE difference; I enjoyed every single bite, rather than swallowing it whole without really tasting it.

The next morning, my breakfast of “whatever I wanted,” started out as the breakfast buffet complete with eggs, pancakes, bacon, sausage, all the delicious breakfast yummies you can think of, but I changed my mind and had my hubby get our waiter.  I ended up with egg beaters, a couple strips of bacon and home fries.  Was it the best, most healthy choice I could have made?  Maybe not… Could I had skipped the bacon?  Of course!  But when we left the restaurant, I didn’t feel deprived at all, and that is what is going to help me keep the weight off in the long run. 

We spent the afternoon hiking as a family.  Another thing that was hugely different than in Mother’s Days past.  Before I would have spent the entire day on the couch, watching TV, having my husband get me snacks, catching a nap every so often.  Instead, it was my idea to hike a mountain.  Not a huge one, but a mile up and a mile down. 

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To make for a little added challenge, I carried my youngest (23 pounds) in a backpack the entire way (here’s some prospective, I would have had to carry 5 of him to equal the extra weight I was carrying around before).  I was amazed at how much my balance has improved, how much more stamina I have and how great I felt during and after.  I go to the gym on a regular basis but to do something with my family I had never done with them before, to see the smiles on the faces of my children, and to know we were spending the day doing something that was so good for us all made me forget about those stupid 3 pounds. 

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That evening, after dinner, we went out for ice cream.  It was a perfect weekend!

I woke up Monday morning, ready to get back on the diet train, and somehow, I had managed to lose that 3 pounds over the weekend.  Maybe my body will catch up with my desserts I indulged in over the next couple of days, or my body has grown so used to what I’m doing, it was caught off guard by the splurges.  Time will tell.  No matter what, this weekend helped me to be more confident in my ability to maintain.  Not only was I able to get off track then right back on again, but it was a big eye opener to see how far I have come from the track I was on before. 

 
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Posted by on May 14, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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