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I’ll Take That as a Compliment

I was talking to a friend of mine the other night and she mentioned she had seen my dad in the grocery store.  He had told her I had lost more weight and he just didn’t want me getting too skinny.  Last week, I saw my uncle at church and she said, “I see you’ve lost more weight.” 

The truth of the matter is, I’ve actually gained 5 pounds!  I sit happy and healthy at 112 pounds lost.  I take these comments as a complement.  I see this as a perfect demonstration as to why even though I am at goal weight, my workouts continue.  I work harder now than I did when I was losing.  When I was trying to lose weight, I was completely focused, and while I allowed myself to eat what I wanted, I didn’t want to eat the treats because all that mattered at that point in time was the end result.  Now here I am at the end result and know I have to allow myself to be a human being.  I need to allow myself to indulge every once in a while and my workouts help me to do that.  Not only that, but they make me feel strong, healthy, energized, refreshed, de-stressed and on and on I could go.

Along the same line, out of curiosity, I decided to check my BMI again.  While for my height my max weight should be 150 (which I am 150) the CDC and my insurance company still calls me overweight!  Really?  Why do we have to put everyone into a box?  I know it’s the easiest way to standardize but I find it hard to believe that my xs, size 4 body is overweight.  While my BMI says I’m overweight, my waist-to-height ratio says I’m 1 pants size away from being underweight. 

A friend of mine reminded me of this: ” Instead of BMI we should be measuring our happiness, our strength, our ability to run around with our kids, our confidence in ourselves, our desire to consume real food most of the time and splurge now and then. The government, CDC, insurance companies, and major food producers want us to be constantly herded sheep striving after goals that are either unattainable, unrealistic, and most obvious, unhealthy. I prefer to be a goat, since they eat what they want, do what they want, escape the artificial boundaries around them, and dare to be silly just because they can.”  I couldn’t have said it better myself!

 
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Posted by on July 29, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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A Lot Can Change in a Year

it has been 1 year since I walked in to my first Weight Watchers meeting.  I remember that morning like it was yesterday.  I was nervous, clammy; I was ashamed.

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I walked into the room a woman who hadn’t looked her husband in the eyes in months.  I walked in unable to stand for long periods of time, unable to go grocery shopping without discomfort.  At 27, I weighed 262.1 pounds and I was ready to make a change.  I had no idea when I walked in to that room how much this journey would change my life.

It started slow for me.  A lot of people talk about how the first week of a new diet they drop pounds like crazy, but I didn’t.  At least not as fast as I wanted to.  I was afraid I would fail.  I had failed before, and I was certain I would again, but I refused to let it keep me from trying.  I beat myself up everyday for allowing myself to get to the point that I did but somewhere along the way, something in me changed.

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As the pounds came off, I gradually hid myself a little less.

In January, I started going to the gym and that’s when the real changes were set into motion for me.  I was proud of the weight I had lost, but I still felt weak.  I didn’t think I was capable of achieving my goals, even though I was working at it and getting there.  I was still ashamed and still looked in the mirror and saw 262 pounds.

Working out has changed not only my body or the numbers on the scale, it has changed me.  I no longer feel weak but I feel strong and capable.

I often find myself thinking after a sweaty, grueling workout, ‘Who is this person?’  Or after watching the sun rise on my ride home from the gym; after using the excuse on more than 100 occasions that I couldn’t get up to workout because I needed my rest, I wonder how I would start my days without accomplishing something before the sun comes up.  I look my husband in the eye, I play with my kids, I’m not to goal weight yet, but I’m happy.  I’m ok with myself.  I’m ok with my body and I’m thrilled with how fair I have come.

I am capable of so much more than I ever gave myself credit for and one thing I have learned over this past year, is I will never sell myself short again.  In April, I was convinced I could never run more than a mile without stopping to walk, and a couple weeks ago, I ran 3; when I was a cheerleader in high school, I couldn’t do 1 push up, and now I’m able to do 5 at a time (not much to some, but a lot to me).

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I have 12 pounds left to my goal weight, but that is now the after thought rather than the per-cursor.  It’s no longer about the pounds, or the numbers on the scale, it is how I feel, which is the complete opposite from what it has ever been.

I have fought myself every step along the way.  I’ve wanted to give up.  I have struggled to finish workouts, but I have finished them.  I have lost 100 pounds and more than that, I feel comfortable in my own skin.  I no longer have a BMI of 43 (I’m down to a 27 BMI).  I tried on a dress yesterday that was a size 4!  A size 4!  From a size 22!  At first I was self conscious about the skin on my legs left behind from loosing 100 pounds, but then I felt hot!

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After years of trying my hardest to blend in, I’m ready to be seen.  Yesterday I bought my first ever “little black dress” and a pair of blue pumps.  I cant wait to wear them for our wedding anniversary this coming weekend.  I haven’t worn heels since before I got pregnant with my first son (about 5 years ago).  I never could have imagined when I walked into that Weight Watchers meeting year ago how my life would change, how I would change and how amazing it would feel.

 
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Posted by on October 15, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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A Second Opinion And My Goal Weight Is Set

A couple of weeks ago I went into the doctor’s office and spoke with the provider that I saw about what my goal weight should be.  She thought it was absolutely criminal (literally) of me to think my ideal weight may not be written on a BMI chart.

This week, I had an appointment with my actual primary care provider.  She sang a slightly different tune, and was so much easier to chat with about what I’m looking for health wise.  First, let me start by saying, I was not against the BMI recommendations, I’m just feeling so great and so happy with where I am, I’m anxious to start the next part of my journey to maintain, and also wanted to be sure the numbers I was setting for myself were healthy ones for me.

After sitting down with my doctor, we determined my goal weight should be right around 150, which is close to what the BMI chart suggests (145).  She outright stated she would not want to see me get below 150 with my body fat percentage already at a healthy number.  That gives me 18 more pounds to shed.

My doctor also told me if I found myself hitting a plateau before that, to give her a call and she would “support me in my weight decision.”  I was pretty excited after leaving the doctor that day.  I’ve been working really hard towards becoming a better, healthier me and I felt like all those hours spent at the gym, away from my family, away from my kids, is all worth.  I have worked hard to become the mother I wasn’t before.

I know these last 18 pounds aren’t going to fall off.  Why should they?  The other 94 didn’t.  But at this point, my goal is in site.  Losing 112 pounds seemed impossible when I started, but now, it seems inevitable.

 
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Posted by on October 3, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Could You Please Commit Fraud For Me?

I’ve posted on here before about my internal battle about the numbers on the scale vs overall health.  I’ve also posted about my BMI, waist to height ratio and my percentage of body fat and the fact that 2 of the 3 of those are at a healthy level.

This past week I had a follow up doctor’s appointment for my anxiety issues.  I had decided I was going to talk to her about what my goal weight should be.  According to Weight Watchers I still have about 25 pounds left to lose and since my 4.5 pound weight loss a couple weeks ago, I’ve been stuck; haven’t budged an ounce. 

So I managed to talk to her about it and it did not go at all like I had hoped.  I’m not sure what I expected from a doctor… I mentioned to her about how according to my BMI I still had to lose 25 pounds, I tried to explain my fat percentage and my waist to height ratio, I tried to explain that Weight Watchers sets these guidelines but if a doctor agrees you are at a healthy place, that number can be adjusted to better fit a person’s body type, blah, blah…

Without hesitation, she shot me down.  Her response was, “I don’t know what you’re asking me to do here.  The BMI is the number that has been scientifically proven and me saying you don’t have to get to that number would be asking me to commit fraud!”  Whoa!  Slow down!  I’m not asking you to commit fraud, I’m asking you to take a look at an individual as an individual rather than a number on a chart. 

In the next breath, the told me not to worry about missing a work out or 2 a week.  Right now I workout 4-5 times a week.  She told me if I missed one or two of those days and replaced them with walking to the mailbox, it would be OK.  So now I’m left with the thought, would she have told me it was OK to miss a workout when I was 260 pounds, or would she have been telling me it was vital that I get up and get moving?  Would she have told me not to “worry” about my weight 90 pounds ago?  I’m pretty sure the answer to both of those would be no, which says to my non-MD brain, that she is in fact not worried that my weight is a problem for me at this point. 

So am I asking her to commit fraud?  If it is committing fraud to say that someone is more than a number on a scale; if it means saying you can be healthy without fitting into specific guidelines; then I guess I am.  I know some people will agree with her, and some will agree with me… I just know at this point, I don’t look at 170 pounds on the scale and think, “Wow!  I am really obese” (like the BMI chart does), I don’t look at my size 8 pants and think, “Gee, if I don’t get into a size 4 in the next 6 months, I might be at risk for a heart attack or diabetes.”  I don’t see the effort I’m putting in to tone up and build muscle as optional, so I shouldn’t be looked at as a health risk because the scale might go up a pound one week instead of down if I’m really putting in the effort. 

Don’t know if I’ll get the nerve to ask a different doctor in the near future if they are willing to commit fraud, but at this point, I don’t feel like a fraud.  I feel like the only crime being committed, is basing ones health solely on a scale.

 
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Posted by on September 13, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Trying to Determine my Goal

I’ve done a lot of thinking over the past few days about what my weight loss and health goals are and what they should be. 

When I started my weight loss journey it was all about that number on the scale and since I started working out, that number has become less important to me.  I’m still seeing the numbers on the scale dropping consistently which is awesome, and there is still a part of my that desperately wants that number to keep dropping.  I’m down to 177 from 262, I’m also down from a size 22 to a 10/12.  The changes I have seen in my body are amazing to me. 

That being said, according to my BMI, until this past Wednesday, I was still obese and am now sitting at the highest end of overweight.  Looking at myself, I don’t see it.  Maybe it’s because I’m high on endorphins from exercise, or blinded like I used to be, but I don’t see myself as being that overweight.  I know according to that 177 number I am…

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According to my BMI, this is me a couple weeks ago, OBESE

That being said, according to web MD (I know it’s an internet resource, trust as much as you want) a better assessment of health for someone who is muscular or pear shaped (that’s me!) is the waist-to-height ratio.  It says that anything below a .5 ratio is considered healthy.  The number on Web MD is based on your height and pants size.  Depending on where the pants are from, my ratio is between .51 and .49 which is HEALTHY! 

Another indication of my health is my percentage of body fat.  I repeated the assessment done about a month ago at the Y.  At that point I was 34.9% body fat, and yesterday morning, I was 30.2% (lost more than 4% body fat in a month!)  According to multiple online sources a healthy range for a woman my age is 21-32%  Again, HEALTHY!

According to my BMI, to be healthy I still need to lose about 31 pounds.  So here I am wondering which number to go with.  To get lifetime membership at Weight Watchers, I need to lose that 31 pounds, or get a note from a doctor saying what my ideal weight should be instead.  I’m thinking I’m going to make an appointment to talk about it with my doc.  I’m still losing pounds on a consistent basis, but I don’t want to get to that point where I hit a wall and get frustrated, and I don’t want to push my body to lose pounds when I’m already healthy, or close to it. 

Anyone else had a similar situation?  What number did you go with.

 
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Posted by on August 16, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Fit or Fat

I’m getting really excited to get “weighed” tonight!  After zumba, one of the trainers is going to do my body fat/muscle measurements.  While I wish I had something to compare to, I’m really anxious to see where I stand with my muscle mass.

I know 8 months ago there was not a lot of muscle mass on my body.  I’m also really interested to see how close I am to a healthy BMI by that measurement.  Right now, I’m still considered obese.  Only by .8, but still…  That number is down a lot from where I stared.  I started with a BMI of 43.6 and am now at 30.8. 

That being said, I am wearing the same size I wore in high school, but am still tipping the scale at about 25 pounds more than high school.  I’m working out 3-4 times a week and know that my body make up is totally different than it was when I started.

If it actually happens tonight, I’ll let you know how it goes.  I’m a little nervous that it’s going to be higher than I expect but I just have to remind myself it’s lower than it was. 

According to my weight, I would have to lose more than 36 pounds still to be a “healthy’ BMI, so it will be really interesting to see where I stand.

On another note, I finally got my 75 pound barbell at Weight Watchers today.  I got there before July 4th, but then had a gain (which still kept me at over 75) but just didn’t have the funds to make it to a meeting.  I finally did today, and while it might just be a small dangle on my key chain, I so thrilled!

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Posted by on July 17, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Still Obese but not Extremely

We had health assessments at work today.  I was really interested to see what my BMI was since I have lost 52.7 pounds (2.7 this week!).  I was not surprised to see that my BMI was at 33. 

That got me thinking about what my level was when I started back in October.  I did a quick search for an online BMI calculator.  After just a few seconds I discovered, my BMI started at 43!  In fact, webmd told me to “Take Immediate Action!”  6 months ago, I sat plumply at extremely obese. 

I am still in about the middle of the “obese” section, I’m only 3 away from just being “overweight” and 8 away from Normal.  I have lost more than I have left to.  I’m on the right track, and when (not if) I get to goal weight, I will be sitting pretty in the pretty green section of the BMI chart.

I never want to be in the red again, and I won’t be.  When you’re being told at the age of 28 to “take immediate action” it’s a real eye opener.  I have a long way to go, for sure, and while my goal weight is still 60 pounds away (I’m a little less than halfway there), I’m more than halfway to a healthy BMI.

Another big accomplishment today, I survived my first WOD!  It was not nearly as horrible as I thought it would be.  It was by no means easy, and it most certainly gave me a different challenge than zumba does.  I was sweating within just a few minutes, and had to push myself hard to finish.  We keep track of our own numbers so it would have been easy to miscount to shave off a few, and believe me, I thought about it, but I knew the only one I would be cheating if I did, was myself.  In fact while doing mountain climbers I lost count a time or two and I’m pretty sure I did several extra because of it.

I will say I have never done so many squats in one workout before, I haven’t done more than 10 pushups at a time since high school (I did wall pushups today, but still, 10 has been my max in the last 8 years), I did exercises I haven’t done since grade school (mountain climbers) and was introduced to an exercise known as the “man maker.”  There are videos of this on youtube, I watched some…mine looked nothing like that!  Pretty sure mine were in slow motion with my butt up in the air.  We were supposed to get a 1 minute break after those, I’m pretty sure I took a 1 minute break in between each one.

Tonight I certainly feel like I worked out today.  My legs are tired and a little achy and a bit like jelly, my arms are a little sore (driving a manual transmission car home was interesting) and I’m sure tomorrow morning it will be worse, and probably Friday morning will be even worse than that, but that means I did something.  I really worked muscles that I haven’t been working. 

And I will def be going back!  My schedule is hectic in getting there for the right times, but I know for sure I will be there Monday.  My goal is to go from Zumba 3 days a week and running 1 day to Zumba 2 days, WOD 2 days and running 1.  I would love to do WOD more often but for now, my work schedule just doesn’t allow it.  I say this now, I very well might change my mind when I try to get out of bed tomorrow morning.

 
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Posted by on April 25, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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