RSS

Tag Archives: challenges

Making a Choice

Who would choose to be overweight?  Who would want to struggle to reach their toes; shop in stores specifically for people who are heavier?  I worked so hard for a long time to not feel weighed down by more than 100 extra pounds.  It took time, focus and determination to get to the point where I could shop anywhere I wanted to and try on clothes without melting into a sweaty puddle on the floor of the fitting room; eventually leaving the store, praying the size 24 jeans I was leaving with would fit because I was just too exhausted to try on another pair.

Before I started on my weight loss journey I liked to blame my weight on my health.  I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  I walk this very fine line between loosing and gaining.  I could gain 10 pounds in a week.  They claim simple science of 3,500 calories equaling a pound but with PCOS, that isn’t always the case.  I could gain 3 pounds by going over my daily calories by a couple hundred a couple days in a row.  I used that was an excuse.  I choose to let that get in my way and then I choose not to.

Here I am, making the same choice, making excuses.  I’m not ready, I just had a baby 3 weeks ago, my hormones are still out of whack, I’m sleep deprived, it takes so much effort, and on and on I could go.  But the truth is I’ll be saying the same thing 3 weeks from now.  I’m still in a smaller size than I was when I started this process but not far from it.  I promised myself I would never see a size 18 on my body again, but today, that is what I’m wearing, telling myself it is only because I just had a baby and I’ll get out of that size in no time.  That’s so true, but unless I make a choice, I’ll only be leaving the size 18’s to squeeze into a 20.  It’s time to make a choice for my children and for myself.  I refuse to set the example I set for so many years, I will not avoid taking pictures with my babies because I feel like a flabby mess.  I will get back to where I was, I just need to make that choice.

Advertisements
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 27, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

One Small Change

I’m constantly telling my Weight Watchers members to focus their attention on one small change a week.  Over the course of time, those small changes add up to big changes that lead to changing your lifestyle rather than just losing weight.  I remember a meeting back when I first became a leader where a member was so worried if she went over her points because of her coffee creamer, she wouldn’t lose.  But she was changing everything else about how she ate, so she still saw big results.  It is so easy to help people with their own struggles, but something totally different when it comes to following your own advice.  With the changing hormones and the exhaustion physically and emotionally, I’m overwhelmed and while these may all add up to excuses, it is just too much for me right now.

So the other day I posted about wearing leggings everyday.  What I didn’t say is I’m pretty much wearing the same 2 pairs of leggings everyday, which certainly is not helping me out of this ‘how did I gain so much weight while I was pregnant’ funk.

Since I’m not ready to hop right back in, I’m trying to shift my focus to one small change at a time.  Today I will not drink my calories.  Well, not all of them, I did have my coffee creamer (keeps me from adding sugar) and some fat free milk this morning, but no soda and no juice.  I have convinced myself grabbing a can of soda, which my hubby keeps stocked in the refrigerator is easier than getting out the ice and the water and dirtying a cup and blah, blah, blah.

I’m planning to pair my physical change with an attempt at an emotional one as well.  This one I’m sure will be a whole lot more difficult.  Size is nothing but a letter and weight is just a number, at least that’s what I tell others all the time.  If that is the case, what does it matter if I buy a pair of bigger pants?  No!  I do not want to get comfortable so I never do what I need to to get back to where I was, but at the same time, it’s not going to happen overnight and these 2 pairs of leggings are likely not going to last that long if I’m wearing them everyday and washing them every other.  I’m sure with my raging hormones, I’ll cry for a couple days when I buy a bigger size but I will just keep reminding myself, I won’t be there long.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 18, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Feeding Mama

There is something I had completely forgotten about having a newborn.  With all the things going on in my household, there are days and times when what mama needs gets pushed to the back burner or simply doesn’t happen at all.  The other day I realized on my way out the door at 11:45 that I hadn’t eaten anything all day!  I hadn’t felt hungry; between diaper changes, bottles, breakfast for big kids it slipped my mind.  This is unheard of for me!  I love food and I love to eat and it is not often I skip a meal, let alone forget.

If only I could forget about the peanut butter ice cream my hubby brought home the other night, or the Oreos he just munched on.  I’m so jealous of the fact that he can have an entire package of cookies and eat 2 or 3 whereas me on the other hand, I’ll eat every last one.

I just need to get used to the idea again that there are going to be things in our household that I say no to.  It’s not like my house is full of junk food all the time, but I do have a 6 year old, a 3 year old and a husband who walks 6 miles a day at his job and doesn’t gain 8 pounds by smelling chocolate.  I’ve done it before I can do it again, but why does the junk have to taste so good?

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 14, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

“The Race is Long and, In The End, It’s Only With Yourself”

I thought about giving up the minute I started.  I saw the turn for the 5K racers and I almost took it.  I was convinced at the second mile marker there was no way I was going to make it to 13.1.  By mile 2.5 I was in the back of the pack and already feeling like I had nothing left, my legs were already screaming, my lower back was already aching, my lungs were already about to explode and I was wondering what in the world I was thinking when I decided to run a half marathon.  The mind is a powerful thing, and for the fist 4 miles, mine was in control of my run.

At mile 4 I knew I had single digit miles left to run, I was nearing the halfway point, and my pace, while I felt awful, was fairly spot on for where it usually is.  I just kept telling myself to keep moving and kept saying out loud to myself, the only one you’re racing is yourself.  You just have to finish.

My husband, my kids, my mother in law and my sister in law were parked right around the 1 mile/12 mile marker (it was an out and back race).  At mile 4.5-5 I was praying I could see there faces to encourage me to keep moving.  That was when runners who had already made it to the turn around started passing me.  While generally during a race I get discouraged to be passed by returning runners so early on, it was amazing.  It was the encouragement I needed.  There were some runners who smiled, some who offered a wave, others words of encouragement, some high fives; whenever I passed another person, I ran a little faster.  While the turning point was still over a mile away, this was the turning point for me.  I fought back tears with each person that passed, not because I was in last place, but because I knew then I was going to finish.

run

The volunteers working this event were amazing as well offering applause and encouragement.  I didn’t feel like they were put out by me slowly bringing up the rear.  Even as they passed me to go from station to station to pack up (they’d pack up after I passed), they would applaud out the window.

half

From mile 10 on I was struggling.  I had trained to 10 miles.  I planned to train further but then I had sick kids followed by a sinus infection and it just didn’t happen for me.  It was obvious looking at my splits I hadn’t gotten past 10 in training.  I was fairly consistent with times until that point.  I dropped off 1 minute from 10-11 another from 11-12, and another from 12-13.  I wanted to walk, I wanted to cry, I wanted to be done.  Every inch of my body hurt.  And then across the way I saw my boys.  There were 2 minute long stretches I walked and when I saw them I pushed through tears and the pain so they would not see me walk or see me cry.  I yelled to my husband to come with me for a few minutes and he did.  He walked next to me while I ran (that’s how slow I was moving at this point).  I knew I was only a mile away, but that mile seemed impossible.

boyssignsWhen he left me to go back to the car so he could drive ahead to the finish line, I cried again, knowing I was going to make it.  No matter what, I had come 12 miles and I was going to get to 13.1.  I smiled at them as they drove past me yelling encouragement out the window.

After they drove off is when I met my angel in a kilt.  He had passed me on his way back probably somewhere around the 5 mile marker.  This man with paint on his face and a feather in his beard ran towards me and asked if he could accompany me to the finish.  I told him that was fine and spent the last half mile chatting a little and moving faster than I had in the last 3 miles.  He distracted me from the pain I was feeling and I might have even smiled a little.

kip

My angel, Kip!

When we rounded the corner and saw the finish, Kip assured me I was going to make it in under 3 hours and that’s when I gave it the last bit of gas I had in me and I finished strong.  medal

I was so glad to be done and at the same time, in aw of the fact that I had finished.  I cried, I laughed, I cramped… It was amazing.

I posted on the half marathon group Facebook page about my experience and thanked everyone for their support and this was my favorite response: “Congratulations!!! As has been said already, you did not finish last. You finished ahead of everyone who didn’t put the effort in to accomplishing what you just accomplished. I actually mentioned you to my friend on the ride home. I said, “When I passed the woman at the back of the pack she looked so happy and she gave me an encouraging smile.” It was honestly the highlight of my run. Good for you and thank you!”

Later that night when I checked the official race results expecting to see my name listed last (which was OK with me as I was racing with myself) I teared up with I saw Kip, my angel in a kilt listed last.  He finished 4 seconds behind me.  He could have been done long before that but he waited at it meant so much to me.

I am more than proud of what I accomplished and more than a little amazed at what my body has done over these last 2 years.  2 years ago I was that person who didn’t put in the effort.  I was sad, morbidly obese and I couldn’t walk around the grocery store let alone run a half marathon.  I did this!  All on my own.  I had to push myself far outside of my comfort level, push through the pain and the mental and physical exhaustion and get it done and I did.

sticker

My ultimate goal of a marathon is still out there and I will get there, maybe next year or even the year after but for now it’s time for some much needed rest and a break and some time to be proud of what I have accomplished.  I look forward to my next half marathon and finishing in less than the 2:55 it took me yesterday.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on September 29, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

My Name is Beth and I’m a Fast-Food-Aholic

So here is one of my many vices…fast food.  I would go as far as saying I am addicted.  I have heard people say that the longer they go without it, the worse it tastes to them and I so wish that was the case for me.  Before I started my weight loss journey my typical trip for fast food included a double cheeseburger, 4 piece chicken nugget and fries.  There were days that after eating that, I would go to another fast food restaurant (so I wouldn’t be embarrassed by going around the window twice) and order another double cheeseburger.  Oh, and don’t forget the diet Coke, because of course diet anything makes a difference when that is what you’re eating. 

While working to get to goal weight, I wouldn’t allow myself to do that.  Any fast food trip I made was salad with light or fat free dressing and the occasional order of fries.  To ease some of the craving I would allow myself one bite of whatever my husband was having (he now says it doesn’t taste the same unless I have taken a bite). 

So now I have been at goal for about 10 months.  I have slowly allowed myself to eat a little more of my favorite fast foods, but here’s the problem.  The more of it I eat, the more of it I want to eat.  The other day after scarfing a double cheese burger I was tempted to go around the window and get another one.  It terrified me.  I think it’s time to quit cold turkey.  No more just a little bite  here, just one burger there.  I know there are things about my former diet that will come back to haunt me now that my focus isn’t entirely on losing weight but on maintaining.  I’ve found that to be even harder the more I run and the further my distance it.  I convince myself I earned it, and I burned way more than that running.  While the numbers on the scale haven’t moved upward, I know those ‘rewards’ are not helping my runs, but in fact hurting them. 

So there it is, my confession for the day.  I will not hide it like I used to, I will own it and change it and that is what will make all the difference for me.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on September 5, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

I Never Would Have Thought

I have said more than a time or two that I’m not a “runner.”  I keep a fairly slow pace and I’ve always had it in my mind if you are a ‘runner’ you should be good at it, and I’m not.  I’m not fast, in fact I still struggle to get under a 12 minute pace, I’ve still never ran a mile in less than 10 minutes and I’ve never looked around at the scenery and thought I love that I’m out running.  Shouldn’t I at least enjoy it to be a ‘runner?’

But here I am, entering week 3 of my half marathon training and if nothing else, I am starting to feel like an athlete.  I have logged right around 40 miles in the last 3 weeks.  Yesterday I ran 7 miles!  The only time I stopped was for a quick water break right around the 6 mile marker.  I’ve come a long way since the first time I ran last year when I struggled to make it from 1 telephone poll to the next.

So you might wonder why I bother running when I really hate it so much and I have some really good reasons.  The obvious, it burns a lot of calories and is helping me tone up some of those tough to tone spots, but it’s more than that.  First, it is a goal I have set for myself.  I want to run a marathon.  I started me weight loss journey at 26.2 pounds and to me running 26.2 miles would be coming full circle.  Second, it challenges me like nothing else.  I have to force myself to get out and run, the entire time I’m running, I have to will myself to keep going and when I’m done, I feel accomplishment I can’t explain.  When I run, I push my brain and my body to do things I never could have imagined I was capable of doing.  It makes me feel empowered, strong and it makes me feel like I can conquer the world; like anything I put my mind to doing is mine to accomplish.

running

I spent a lot of years not challenging my body or my mind.  I used the pounds as an excuse and my self-esteem dwindled until I saw myself as nothing more than a failure.  I had failed my husband, turning from the healthy active woman he married to a couch potato who didn’t want to do anything and who only felt sexy looking at pictures of my past self; I failed my children, not spending time with them playing on the floor because my feet fell asleep, not playing at the park because I was winded after just walking from the car; and I was failing myself, for all the above reasons and so many more.  I was not the woman I wanted to be and I was convinced I never could be.

Even after seeing success on the scale, this change in my mentality has only come from working out, and nothing proves to me what I’m capable like running does.

So far in this training I have learned where my wall is.  Right around 2-3 miles I just want to quit, I want to give up, I want to go back to the couch and put my feet up, but when I push through that, I can go beyond my wildest dreams.  Along the way yesterday I kept saying to myself, I’ll break for a walk after 3 miles, I’ll walk for a minute when my pace drops off, I’ll run to that sign, I’ll stop at the top of this hill… and I never did.  When I started this training, I still doubted it was even remotely possible for me to run a half marathon.  I mean, do you know how far 13.1 miles actually is?!  But I’ve got this.  No more sitting around letting the world pass me by, I want to be out moving, even if it is only at a 5 mph pace.  It may take me a little longer, but I’ll get there, and then I will keep going.  And who knows, maybe someday I’ll see myself as a ‘runner.’

running 2

 
3 Comments

Posted by on August 4, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

A Second Opinion And My Goal Weight Is Set

A couple of weeks ago I went into the doctor’s office and spoke with the provider that I saw about what my goal weight should be.  She thought it was absolutely criminal (literally) of me to think my ideal weight may not be written on a BMI chart.

This week, I had an appointment with my actual primary care provider.  She sang a slightly different tune, and was so much easier to chat with about what I’m looking for health wise.  First, let me start by saying, I was not against the BMI recommendations, I’m just feeling so great and so happy with where I am, I’m anxious to start the next part of my journey to maintain, and also wanted to be sure the numbers I was setting for myself were healthy ones for me.

After sitting down with my doctor, we determined my goal weight should be right around 150, which is close to what the BMI chart suggests (145).  She outright stated she would not want to see me get below 150 with my body fat percentage already at a healthy number.  That gives me 18 more pounds to shed.

My doctor also told me if I found myself hitting a plateau before that, to give her a call and she would “support me in my weight decision.”  I was pretty excited after leaving the doctor that day.  I’ve been working really hard towards becoming a better, healthier me and I felt like all those hours spent at the gym, away from my family, away from my kids, is all worth.  I have worked hard to become the mother I wasn’t before.

I know these last 18 pounds aren’t going to fall off.  Why should they?  The other 94 didn’t.  But at this point, my goal is in site.  Losing 112 pounds seemed impossible when I started, but now, it seems inevitable.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on October 3, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,