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A Lot Can Change in a Year

it has been 1 year since I walked in to my first Weight Watchers meeting.  I remember that morning like it was yesterday.  I was nervous, clammy; I was ashamed.

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I walked into the room a woman who hadn’t looked her husband in the eyes in months.  I walked in unable to stand for long periods of time, unable to go grocery shopping without discomfort.  At 27, I weighed 262.1 pounds and I was ready to make a change.  I had no idea when I walked in to that room how much this journey would change my life.

It started slow for me.  A lot of people talk about how the first week of a new diet they drop pounds like crazy, but I didn’t.  At least not as fast as I wanted to.  I was afraid I would fail.  I had failed before, and I was certain I would again, but I refused to let it keep me from trying.  I beat myself up everyday for allowing myself to get to the point that I did but somewhere along the way, something in me changed.

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As the pounds came off, I gradually hid myself a little less.

In January, I started going to the gym and that’s when the real changes were set into motion for me.  I was proud of the weight I had lost, but I still felt weak.  I didn’t think I was capable of achieving my goals, even though I was working at it and getting there.  I was still ashamed and still looked in the mirror and saw 262 pounds.

Working out has changed not only my body or the numbers on the scale, it has changed me.  I no longer feel weak but I feel strong and capable.

I often find myself thinking after a sweaty, grueling workout, ‘Who is this person?’  Or after watching the sun rise on my ride home from the gym; after using the excuse on more than 100 occasions that I couldn’t get up to workout because I needed my rest, I wonder how I would start my days without accomplishing something before the sun comes up.  I look my husband in the eye, I play with my kids, I’m not to goal weight yet, but I’m happy.  I’m ok with myself.  I’m ok with my body and I’m thrilled with how fair I have come.

I am capable of so much more than I ever gave myself credit for and one thing I have learned over this past year, is I will never sell myself short again.  In April, I was convinced I could never run more than a mile without stopping to walk, and a couple weeks ago, I ran 3; when I was a cheerleader in high school, I couldn’t do 1 push up, and now I’m able to do 5 at a time (not much to some, but a lot to me).

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I have 12 pounds left to my goal weight, but that is now the after thought rather than the per-cursor.  It’s no longer about the pounds, or the numbers on the scale, it is how I feel, which is the complete opposite from what it has ever been.

I have fought myself every step along the way.  I’ve wanted to give up.  I have struggled to finish workouts, but I have finished them.  I have lost 100 pounds and more than that, I feel comfortable in my own skin.  I no longer have a BMI of 43 (I’m down to a 27 BMI).  I tried on a dress yesterday that was a size 4!  A size 4!  From a size 22!  At first I was self conscious about the skin on my legs left behind from loosing 100 pounds, but then I felt hot!

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After years of trying my hardest to blend in, I’m ready to be seen.  Yesterday I bought my first ever “little black dress” and a pair of blue pumps.  I cant wait to wear them for our wedding anniversary this coming weekend.  I haven’t worn heels since before I got pregnant with my first son (about 5 years ago).  I never could have imagined when I walked into that Weight Watchers meeting year ago how my life would change, how I would change and how amazing it would feel.

 
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Posted by on October 15, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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25 more pounds to wedding weight

I was in my closet this afternoon and the dress  wore at our rehearsal dinner was hanging in the back.  It caught my eye and I thought, why not?  I’ll try it on.  To my surprise, it fit!  It wasn’t as loose as it was in 2007, but still, it fit!

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Took this photo this afternoon in the dress I wore the night before our wedding

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At our rehearsal dinner in 2007

That got me thinking, and I realized, I’m only about 25-30 pounds away from where I was when we got married almost 6 years ago!  I can’t believe I hadn’t thought about it until now!

By October, (our anniversary month) I could, and really should be to that weight or even lower!

It seemed like such a huge task when I started in October of this year.  When I was thinking about what my goal weight was going to be, I thought there was no way I was going to be able to lose 110 pounds (my goal weight is 150 and I started at 162).  At my lightest I weighed in in the 140’s, but that was before I had 2 children and that was 8-9 years ago.  I didn’t have any faith in myself that I would or could get back there again.  Now with 48 pounds gone, it doesn’t seem so impossible.  In fact it seems to be just within reach. My overall goal weight is less than 65 pounds away!

Since October I have lost more than 48 pounds and just in the last 3 weeks I’ve lost more than 7!  With that said, I’m more than confident I will be pre-marriage weight by our 6th anniversary and that makes me more excited than words could ever say!

 
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Posted by on April 4, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Changed

It has been about 6 months since I decided I wasn’t happy with the me aspect of my life.  I didn’t like watching my boys play instead of playing with them, I didn’t like the size 22 pants that filled my dresser drawer, I hated struggling to reach my feet to cut my toe nails.  I avoided mirrors, scales, dressing rooms and making eye contact with my husband.

At this point, I’m down 42.5 pounds (thanks to a 2.5 pound weight loss this week), I’m down to a size 14/16, I’m up off the couch going to zumba 3 times a week, running once a week and spending another day in the weight room.  I get down on the floor and play with my kids, I even volunteered to take my oldest to the park the other day (it was too cold and he only went down the slide once, but I was happy to feel like I could get out and play).  I am changed.

I still have a long way to go… I still struggle to look people in the eye, I still avoid mirrors and I still wonder what my husband sees in me.  But, I’m getting there.  I’m closer than I was yesterday and will be even closer tomorrow.

Today I got a new Oragami Owl charm for my necklace.  It’s inspired by the Rascal Flatts song, Changed.  There is a line in the song that says, “I’ve changed for the better, more smiles, less bitter.  I even started to forgive myself.”

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I don’t know how I let it get to the point it did, and I guess I didn’t see how bad it was.  I looked at myself and thought, “how is that the number on the scale?  There is no way I look like I weigh that much.  I wasn’t even fooling myself.  But that is not me anymore.  I have more life in me than I have had in years.  I am changed.

 
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Posted by on March 20, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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