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Tag Archives: children

Having a “Fat Day”

There are days when I look in the mirror and see all of my hard work paying off.  Then there are the days when I see all the work that is still to be done and and for that moment, standing in the mirror, the distance I have come doesn’t matter.

Yesterday was one of those days for me.  I was getting ready to get in the shower and our wonderful, huge mirror that sits directly behind the toilet (not my choice of placement, we rent), caught my attention.

I have had 2 children and I’m not one of those lucky women whose body snaps right back to perfection after having children.  My youngest is 8 months old, and my stomach still looks like a deflated balloon.  I remember saying to my husband after the birth of our first, the first time I went to get in the shower at the hospital, I felt like Adam Sandler in the movie Click when he wakes up from a coma, has lost a ton of weight, and screams, “I have a fat flap!  Fat flap, fat flap!”  And that was how I felt after just one child.

I used to pride myself on my flat tummy, I had to squeeze my thighs into pants, but it seems to be the opposite now.  I have to suck in and squeeze, only to find myself with a mommy muffin top once I finally get my pants buttoned.  It seems no matter what I do, that “fat flap” is still there.  Don’t get me wrong, I am proud of my body for carrying 2 baby boys, and I’m amazed by what a woman’s body is able to do, but that kangaroo pouch is something I am the most self conscious of.

Then I noticed my thighs.  I know I am building muscles under there, I can feel it, but in my reflection all I see is rolls, wrinkles and dimples.  And don’t even get me started on my arms.

I know my hard work will pay off eventually.  I know even if I can’t see it at this moment, it already is.  I know it takes a lot of time and a lot of hard work, but as hard as I’m working, I want it to work faster!  1 pound at a time, I know is spectacular, but when there is so much to lose it seems so tiny.  I wish I could just wake up tomorrow morning 150 pounds and a size 6, but I know that’s not going to happen.  I know it will take much more than a day to lose the 60 pounds I need to lose to get to that point.

Yesterday, all I wanted to do was put on my size 24 capri pants and feel bad about myself.  I wanted to lay down on my bed and pull the covers over my head so no one could see what I do.  But I have 2 children.  There is no time for that when you’re home alone with 2 kids.  I knew hiding my head in the sand is what I have been doing for too long now, and it’s time to face the fact that my body is not what it was 10 years ago.  It’s time to stare into the mirror and see the 60 pounds I still have left to lose.

After that was all said and done, I decided instead of putting on my fat clothes, I would instead put on the smallest pair of pants that I can fit in.  I’m wearing mostly 14s (from 22-24), but I have a pair of rogue Old Navy Bermuda Shorts that are a size 10!  I straightened my hair (I think it makes me look thinner), and put on some makeup, and went with my hubby and my boys to a barbeque with friends at my sister’s.

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It only took a few minutes of looking in the mirror dressed and made up, to feel better, and to know that in 6 months when I’m even closer to my goal, I’ll feel even better.  I know, there will still be days when I look in the mirror and see something that disgusts me, but I won’t let that dictate who I am or who I can be.

 
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Posted by on May 5, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Sliding at the park

This afternoon I took my oldest son to the park.  I have mentioned before that one of my biggest reasons for starting my weight loss journey was to be able to play with my kids and not just sit on the bench and watch.

Today, I took him all by myself, no excuse to sit back and watch.  When we got there he was acting a little timid.  He didn’t seem to want to climb on any of the equipment or anything.  We tried the climbing wall, he started up to go down the slide and changed his mind, he got on one of the rocking horse things and determined it was too cold, he didn’t want to swing and on and on.  I was beginning to think it was a wasted trip.  We went over to the smaller play area and as he started down the steps instead of taking the slide, I asked him if he wanted me to go with him.  He hesitated for a minute, but then decided that would be a good idea.

Last fall, I wouldn’t have even suggested that as an option.  My hind-end was too wide to even sit in the slide, let alone actually slide down it.  I started up the steps and sat on the slide, thinking, “I really hope I can fit, since there are a bunch of people around.”

I sat down at the top of the slide and had no problem fitting.  We slid down together 4 more times after that.  Then he decided he was ok to do it on his own.  I was so thrilled that I was able to do it with him.

After the little slide I climbed up to the big one with him.  They have one of those bridges that moves that you have to go across to get to it, and he hates those.  We would climb up to the bridge, I’d carry him across, he’d slide down and we’d meet at the bottom.

On the way home, I fought back tears.  It meant so much to me to be able to play with my little man.  We left not because I was tired, or my feet hurt, but because it was starting to get cold.  I was able to climb on the playground with him, and slide on the slide.  It was something we had never been able to do together.

It makes every second of sweat, every bite of broccoli, every passed over candy bar more than worth it.  The number on the scale doesn’t matter when I see the smile on this beautiful face.  I’m on the right track, and confident by this summer, he’ll be working to keep up with me.

 
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Posted by on March 27, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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I Survived!

I went for my first run today since I was in high school.  Thankfully I had a great friend to go with me and help motivate me, and believe it or not, I survived!  (I know, if I hadn’t I wouldn’t be on here writing this).  We took it a few telephone poles at a time.  We’d run 2-3 telephone poles and walk 2-3 telephone polls.

I headed out around 7:45 this morning (really like 6:45 thanks to daylight savings).  I felt a little guilty leaving with my oldest still in bed and my hubby having spent a long night with an unhappy baby, but I kissed them all on the head (all sleeping when I left) and headed out.  If I waited until the time was perfect for everyone, I could always find an excuse not to go.

We ended up going about 1.8 miles.  I’m a little sore this afternoon, mostly my hips but it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Yes, there were times I was pretty sure I was going to pass out from lack of oxygen, but I didn’t.

I did a great job managing to run the downhill telephone polls and walk the uphills, but I did manage to run 1 hill (not a big one, but a hill)!

Why go running today of all days?  Well, I bite the bullet and signed up for my first 5k and it’s April 7th so I figured I better get to it.  No time like the present!

A follow up to hiding my scale.  I did really good until tonight.  I had to weigh in for my diet bet…Should have left it hidden, up 2 pounds after super sticking to my diet and lots of gym time.  Sigh… that’s why I hid it.  I was feeling awesome this morning about all my hard work and to not see it on the scale when I have so far to go is frustrating.  Oh well!

 
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Posted by on March 11, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Take your time

One of the tips on weight watchers is to make it a habit to eat at the table.  It is important to enjoy your meals instead of rushing through them.  This seems like a simple idea and so I decided to make that one of my “routines.”

I have since realized, whoever came up with this idea, does not have children.  Pretty sure that when you have kids, there is no such thing as sitting down at the table, taking your time to eat and enjoying your meal.  The other night, while cooking dinner, my 6 month old was crying (more like screaming) and my 4 year old was running around like a crazy person.  By the time I got them both at the table, my dinner was already cold.

While sitting at the table trying to eat, my 6 month old continued to cry/scream because I was not shoveling his sweet potatoes into his mouth fast enough and my 4 year old was fighting with me over how many bites he had to eat.  Before I knew it, my littlest was done eating and ready to get out of his high chair, my 4 year old was on to dessert, I had gotten up from the table at least 10 times in 15 minutes, and I managed to shovel in my cold dinner so I could get the boys cleaned up (my hubby was not home from work yet).  No wonder I was still hungry right after I finished eating.  It was like I hadn’t eaten at all.

I came to the conclusion that my children are my biggest diet obstacle, (along with part of the reason I have some of the extra pounds I do).  My sweet 4 year old is always offering me bites of his snacks, asking me to get him yummy treats that I shouldn’t be having.  On the other hand my infant always wants to eat when I do, so it keeps me from dipping into the snack drawer as often and my oldest always wants a bite of anything I have measured out a portion size of, he is really great for point control!

If I could have it any other way I wouldn’t.  Every pound I gained while I was pregnant, every snack I have to share or have shared with me, every 2 minute meal, my messy house, it’s all worth it.  They are the most important part of my life and taking care of them gives me a purpose I never thought I would have.

As far as sitting down at the table to enjoy a meal, I’ll let you know how that goes in about 18 years.

 
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Posted by on March 9, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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