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Making a Choice

Who would choose to be overweight?  Who would want to struggle to reach their toes; shop in stores specifically for people who are heavier?  I worked so hard for a long time to not feel weighed down by more than 100 extra pounds.  It took time, focus and determination to get to the point where I could shop anywhere I wanted to and try on clothes without melting into a sweaty puddle on the floor of the fitting room; eventually leaving the store, praying the size 24 jeans I was leaving with would fit because I was just too exhausted to try on another pair.

Before I started on my weight loss journey I liked to blame my weight on my health.  I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  I walk this very fine line between loosing and gaining.  I could gain 10 pounds in a week.  They claim simple science of 3,500 calories equaling a pound but with PCOS, that isn’t always the case.  I could gain 3 pounds by going over my daily calories by a couple hundred a couple days in a row.  I used that was an excuse.  I choose to let that get in my way and then I choose not to.

Here I am, making the same choice, making excuses.  I’m not ready, I just had a baby 3 weeks ago, my hormones are still out of whack, I’m sleep deprived, it takes so much effort, and on and on I could go.  But the truth is I’ll be saying the same thing 3 weeks from now.  I’m still in a smaller size than I was when I started this process but not far from it.  I promised myself I would never see a size 18 on my body again, but today, that is what I’m wearing, telling myself it is only because I just had a baby and I’ll get out of that size in no time.  That’s so true, but unless I make a choice, I’ll only be leaving the size 18’s to squeeze into a 20.  It’s time to make a choice for my children and for myself.  I refuse to set the example I set for so many years, I will not avoid taking pictures with my babies because I feel like a flabby mess.  I will get back to where I was, I just need to make that choice.

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Posted by on April 27, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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I can, no I can’t, yes I can, no I can’t….

With my half marathon just under 5 weeks away, I’ve been pushing my training to try to increase my speed and my distance.  I want to be confident in my ability before race day.  I know I can get to the halfway point in the 1 hour 15 minute time cap with the adrenaline of a race, but I don’t want race day to be the first time I accomplish it.  I want to stand at the start line knowing I won’t be riding back in a bus after only 6.5-6.6 miles. 

So Sunday was the day of my long run and I learned a very important lesson… do not try to increase speed and distance on the same day in the form of running hills.  Yesterday I started my run on a 2 mile uphill (if the hill appears huge when you’re driving it, running it is a beast).  I turned down a road that allowed for some downhill and some flat, then turned around to head back.  The problem was, the downhill I had run at the 2 mile-ish marker, became the uphill I had to run from the 6-7 mile range.  After 3-4 miles uphill (added all together) and 7 miles total, that 2 mile downhill (the beast from the beginning of my run) no longer seemed that big.  Have you ever noticed that?  A hill that seems so humungous when you’re running up it, is barely a decline on the downhill…

This was a rough run for me.  It seems everyday I have a long run it’s gorgeous outside, usually a good thing, but sunny and 80 is not enjoyable running conditions.  My Nike 3’s which are so not long distance running shoes have served me well to this point, but I can now clock my mileage on when my body starts to scream because of them.  Right around mile 3.5 my back aches, my hip hurts, I can feel blisters on the insides of my arches, it’s just excruciating. 

There were parts of this run where I felt so strong and parts where I felt so weak.  I’m sure that’s not unusual in a long race to feel that way.  On the way back around mile 7-8 I actually considered calling my husband and asking him to come pick me up, but I didn’t and I made it. 

Along the way I must have told myself ‘You got this’ and ‘I  can’t go one more step’ at least a million times.  Some miles one voice won, others, the other voice did.  I just have to keep pushing, and I just have to get actual running shoes!

 
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Posted by on August 25, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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A Lot Can Change in a Year

it has been 1 year since I walked in to my first Weight Watchers meeting.  I remember that morning like it was yesterday.  I was nervous, clammy; I was ashamed.

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I walked into the room a woman who hadn’t looked her husband in the eyes in months.  I walked in unable to stand for long periods of time, unable to go grocery shopping without discomfort.  At 27, I weighed 262.1 pounds and I was ready to make a change.  I had no idea when I walked in to that room how much this journey would change my life.

It started slow for me.  A lot of people talk about how the first week of a new diet they drop pounds like crazy, but I didn’t.  At least not as fast as I wanted to.  I was afraid I would fail.  I had failed before, and I was certain I would again, but I refused to let it keep me from trying.  I beat myself up everyday for allowing myself to get to the point that I did but somewhere along the way, something in me changed.

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As the pounds came off, I gradually hid myself a little less.

In January, I started going to the gym and that’s when the real changes were set into motion for me.  I was proud of the weight I had lost, but I still felt weak.  I didn’t think I was capable of achieving my goals, even though I was working at it and getting there.  I was still ashamed and still looked in the mirror and saw 262 pounds.

Working out has changed not only my body or the numbers on the scale, it has changed me.  I no longer feel weak but I feel strong and capable.

I often find myself thinking after a sweaty, grueling workout, ‘Who is this person?’  Or after watching the sun rise on my ride home from the gym; after using the excuse on more than 100 occasions that I couldn’t get up to workout because I needed my rest, I wonder how I would start my days without accomplishing something before the sun comes up.  I look my husband in the eye, I play with my kids, I’m not to goal weight yet, but I’m happy.  I’m ok with myself.  I’m ok with my body and I’m thrilled with how fair I have come.

I am capable of so much more than I ever gave myself credit for and one thing I have learned over this past year, is I will never sell myself short again.  In April, I was convinced I could never run more than a mile without stopping to walk, and a couple weeks ago, I ran 3; when I was a cheerleader in high school, I couldn’t do 1 push up, and now I’m able to do 5 at a time (not much to some, but a lot to me).

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I have 12 pounds left to my goal weight, but that is now the after thought rather than the per-cursor.  It’s no longer about the pounds, or the numbers on the scale, it is how I feel, which is the complete opposite from what it has ever been.

I have fought myself every step along the way.  I’ve wanted to give up.  I have struggled to finish workouts, but I have finished them.  I have lost 100 pounds and more than that, I feel comfortable in my own skin.  I no longer have a BMI of 43 (I’m down to a 27 BMI).  I tried on a dress yesterday that was a size 4!  A size 4!  From a size 22!  At first I was self conscious about the skin on my legs left behind from loosing 100 pounds, but then I felt hot!

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After years of trying my hardest to blend in, I’m ready to be seen.  Yesterday I bought my first ever “little black dress” and a pair of blue pumps.  I cant wait to wear them for our wedding anniversary this coming weekend.  I haven’t worn heels since before I got pregnant with my first son (about 5 years ago).  I never could have imagined when I walked into that Weight Watchers meeting year ago how my life would change, how I would change and how amazing it would feel.

 
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Posted by on October 15, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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A Second Opinion And My Goal Weight Is Set

A couple of weeks ago I went into the doctor’s office and spoke with the provider that I saw about what my goal weight should be.  She thought it was absolutely criminal (literally) of me to think my ideal weight may not be written on a BMI chart.

This week, I had an appointment with my actual primary care provider.  She sang a slightly different tune, and was so much easier to chat with about what I’m looking for health wise.  First, let me start by saying, I was not against the BMI recommendations, I’m just feeling so great and so happy with where I am, I’m anxious to start the next part of my journey to maintain, and also wanted to be sure the numbers I was setting for myself were healthy ones for me.

After sitting down with my doctor, we determined my goal weight should be right around 150, which is close to what the BMI chart suggests (145).  She outright stated she would not want to see me get below 150 with my body fat percentage already at a healthy number.  That gives me 18 more pounds to shed.

My doctor also told me if I found myself hitting a plateau before that, to give her a call and she would “support me in my weight decision.”  I was pretty excited after leaving the doctor that day.  I’ve been working really hard towards becoming a better, healthier me and I felt like all those hours spent at the gym, away from my family, away from my kids, is all worth.  I have worked hard to become the mother I wasn’t before.

I know these last 18 pounds aren’t going to fall off.  Why should they?  The other 94 didn’t.  But at this point, my goal is in site.  Losing 112 pounds seemed impossible when I started, but now, it seems inevitable.

 
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Posted by on October 3, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Wanted to Share

I wanted to share the news story from the amazing 5K I did over the weekend.  This was such an amazing experience!  The before picture of me in this story used to make me sick to my stomach, now I look at it and see how far I’ve come, and I’m proud that that woman in that picture had the courage to look herself in the mirror and say, I deserve more than this.

Feel free to watch the video by clicking here!

 
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Posted by on October 2, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Run Baby Run

I’ve been doing some pretty serious run procrastinating.  I have a 5K at the end of this month and it’s probably going to be my last shot at running the entire thing.  I have a goal for this year to run an entire 5K (without stopping at all to walk).  I have done 4 5k’s this year, but have walked at least a little bit in all of them.

For the last, probably 2 months, I have managed to get my exercise, without once hitting the road to run.  With my 5K only 3 weeks away, I knew I had to get to it or I was never going to.  Yesterday, after posting a status about it on Facebook, my sister asked me if we could run together.  So off we went.

I was amazed first at how ok I was with running a mile without stopping, then surprised to realize, while I would once go about 2.5 miles without stopping to walk, 1.25 miles, was once again my limit.  It was a rude awakening that if I’m going to accomplish my goal, and I will accomplish my goal; that I need to hit the pavement a bit more.  So I’ve planned it out.  I have scheduled in a run 2 days a week leading up to my 5K.  I know that’s not a lot, but with zumba 3 days a week and TRX 2 days a week (2 workouts that I love and am not willing to break from to run) it’s what I have time for.  I’m confident I can get there, as long as I can get myself up off the couch to actually do it!

P.S. I’m super proud of my sis.  She hasn’t been running, and she did great on our 2.5 mile excursion and motivated me to pick up the pace on more than one time on our run!

 
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Posted by on September 10, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Wait a Minute…What Does that Scale Say?

Earlier this week I did a post about having the modify my Fourth of July goal.  I really wanted to hit my 75 pounds, but since that didn’t seem super realistic, I revised my goal to stick to my Weight Watchers points and up my water intake.

As of Monday morning it was beginning to look like I probably wouldn’t make my goal, but instead of eating my way out of it, I kept at it.  I did some serious water drinking too.  I struggle to get in a bottle of water a day and with my workout routine, my body just stores it.  I had promised myself I would drink more water this past week, and I did, but until Monday, I was still not drinking nearly enough.

When I went to bed last night, I went to sleep knowing I had done the best that I could.  I knew that no matter what the scale said, I had had a healthy week and let up a little on the importance of the number.

I got up this morning an stepped on the scale thinking it would probably be close.  My scale tends to allow me about a pound more than the scale at my Weight Watchers meetings so I had set a goal of 185 by my scale (I’d need 187 by theirs).  I held my breath and looked down and saw a 184.4 staring back at me!  What?!  I weighed myself 3 more times just to make sure.  Image

Somehow I managed (more than likely thanks to the water) to lose 5.1 pounds this week!  I was in total shock.  It doesn’t seem possible that about 9-10 months ago, I was walking around at more than 262 pounds.  I go into a store to try on clothes and hold them up thinking there’s no way they will fit, and they do.  I’m wearing the same size I wore in high school, but more important, I’m healthier than I have been in years.

I didn’t make it to my Weight Watchers meeting to get my washer for my key chain.  Money was tight this week and I had no wheels to get there, but you better believe next week, I’ll be there ready to celebrate!

 
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Posted by on July 3, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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