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Survived a Rough Mommy Weekend

It was a tough weekend for me.  It’s like I blinked and my baby boys were no longer babies.  Where has the time gone and how do I get it back?

Over the weekend, my littlest man turned 1.  I can’t imagine how he went from that sweet little 8 pound baby to a little person full of personality and trouble.  On Sunday we celebrated with his first birthday party with lots of family.  We all enjoyed a great Monday off together (I bought some size 8 jeans!  Thank you Old Navy!)  and then Tuesday I took my oldest to his first day of Pre-K.  When I tucked him in to bed Monday night I just wanted to stay there with him.  I wanted to squeeze my baby and savor that last few hours before I left him to make friends in a room full of strangers. 

I managed to keep it together the night before school picking out his outfit, and I smiled as he hugged me before we left and then I practically ran out of the building so I could sit in the car and have a good cry.  Picking him up that afternoon, seeing his face light up when he saw me and that sweet running hug I got when I picked him up was priceless.  If I ever thought I couldn’t love him even more, I did in that moment.  Hearing his excitement on the ride home was spectacular.  I wish I didn’t have to let him go, didn’t have to let him grow up, and that I could keep him my little boy forever.  But the next best thing to that is getting to watch him grow and discover.

Brother being at school has also opened up some alone time for the youngest that he has never had before. 

I know this year has many great things in store for our family, and maybe goal weight for me!

 
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Posted by on September 5, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Mom’s Job to Eat the Left Overs

There are starving children in Africa, right?  That must be why I feel the need to finish my son’s plate every meal that he doesn’t eat every last bite.  I do such a great job portioning out my meals, then the left overs sitting on his plate taunt me until I give it and gobble them up!  It’s never a lot of food.  It’s not like I pile my 4 year old’s plate, but it all adds up.

Part of the problem in my household, is my son tends to graze after he eats.  He might have a half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at lunch time, but a half hour later, he will often eat the other half.  If it has been tossed or put away, it is the all time end of the world.  So it just sits there staring at me.

Then there are the days when my sweet boy wants to share.  He’ll have an oreo for desert and he will insist that mama needs some or he’ll be munching on cheese its or goldfish crackers and I don’t want to discourage him from sharing.

I know it’s an excuse.  As I sit here typing, I realize what a horrible excuse it is.  I should be teaching my child to stop eating when he’s full, not accept a snack to be polite and not to eat the left overs so as not to be wasteful (not that I want him to do that either but saving for later is an option not to be ignored).

This past few weeks have been more of a struggle for me than it has been since I started.  The first month of my diet, I didn’t let anything fast food other than salad pass through my lips, I didn’t nibble from my little one’s plate, I didn’t go back out to the kitchen and hover over the left overs picking pieces here and there.  I know losing weight (and keeping it off) is about changing a lifestyle and it is obvious I not only still have some pounds to lose, but I still have work to do on myself, my self control, my eating out of boredom and my guilt for wasting food when there are starving children in Africa.

 
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Posted by on June 5, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Reminded What it’s All About

Yesterday I got to spend a wonderful Mother’s Day with my boys.  The day started with breakfast in bed made by my hubby and my oldest son (after about 5 minutes of “cooking” he came upstairs and climbed into bed with me and watched a movie). 

After a breakfast of egg whites and homemade home-fries, we got ready and headed to my parent’s so we could go to church with them.  After church we spent some time having lunch with my mom and dad, my grandmother and my sister and her family.  After lunch the kids played for a bit, then we headed for home.

We were planning to spend some time at home before heading to my in-laws, but on the way home, the kids both fell asleep.  I had told my husband the night before that I really just wanted to make sure I was able to go for a run.  Since my in-laws live down a dirt road, we decided to head to their house earlier than we planned and to go running there.  My husband also decided he was going to run with me.

When we got changed and ready to run, my 4 year-old was really upset.  He really wanted to go with us, but since the distance we were planning was 2.4 miles, we didn’t think it was such a good idea.  I was filled with guilt as we walked out the door, with him standing in the window, waving with tears running down his cheeks.  I kept thinking, “This is Mother’s Day.  I’m supposed to be spending time with my kids,” but I decided it was only 2.4 miles, so it wouldn’t be that much time that we’d be gone. 

It was really nice to run with my husband.  It was certainly a first!  He kept his pace a little (or a lot) slower so he didn’t get too far ahead of me. 

The furthest I had gone without stopping to walk was a little over 1 1/2 miles, so the 2.4 was quite a task for me and I’m sure had I gone by myself, without my husband’s encouragement, I probably wouldn’t have made it the entire 2.4 miles, but I did!

A little over halfway through our run, I got some additional encouragement.  My father-in-law brought our son out to meet us on their golf cart.  When he saw us, he hopped out and ran with us for a few minutes.  While all 3 of us were running together, I was reminded how important being a good role model for my boys is.  I may have had to leave him for a few minutes, but he is getting excited to exercise with us.  He may have only run for a few minutes, then stopped to walk and throw rocks, but he saw his mom and dad working together, working out and wanted to be a part of it. 

It was such a special moment for me.  I forgot all about the sad eyes that watched me leave and saw an energetic little boy smiling and running.  This is not something I would have imagined a Sunday looking like for our family 6 months ago.  I’m looking forwards to turning more lazy Sundays with my boys into a chance to be active as a family.

 
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Posted by on May 13, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Having a “Fat Day”

There are days when I look in the mirror and see all of my hard work paying off.  Then there are the days when I see all the work that is still to be done and and for that moment, standing in the mirror, the distance I have come doesn’t matter.

Yesterday was one of those days for me.  I was getting ready to get in the shower and our wonderful, huge mirror that sits directly behind the toilet (not my choice of placement, we rent), caught my attention.

I have had 2 children and I’m not one of those lucky women whose body snaps right back to perfection after having children.  My youngest is 8 months old, and my stomach still looks like a deflated balloon.  I remember saying to my husband after the birth of our first, the first time I went to get in the shower at the hospital, I felt like Adam Sandler in the movie Click when he wakes up from a coma, has lost a ton of weight, and screams, “I have a fat flap!  Fat flap, fat flap!”  And that was how I felt after just one child.

I used to pride myself on my flat tummy, I had to squeeze my thighs into pants, but it seems to be the opposite now.  I have to suck in and squeeze, only to find myself with a mommy muffin top once I finally get my pants buttoned.  It seems no matter what I do, that “fat flap” is still there.  Don’t get me wrong, I am proud of my body for carrying 2 baby boys, and I’m amazed by what a woman’s body is able to do, but that kangaroo pouch is something I am the most self conscious of.

Then I noticed my thighs.  I know I am building muscles under there, I can feel it, but in my reflection all I see is rolls, wrinkles and dimples.  And don’t even get me started on my arms.

I know my hard work will pay off eventually.  I know even if I can’t see it at this moment, it already is.  I know it takes a lot of time and a lot of hard work, but as hard as I’m working, I want it to work faster!  1 pound at a time, I know is spectacular, but when there is so much to lose it seems so tiny.  I wish I could just wake up tomorrow morning 150 pounds and a size 6, but I know that’s not going to happen.  I know it will take much more than a day to lose the 60 pounds I need to lose to get to that point.

Yesterday, all I wanted to do was put on my size 24 capri pants and feel bad about myself.  I wanted to lay down on my bed and pull the covers over my head so no one could see what I do.  But I have 2 children.  There is no time for that when you’re home alone with 2 kids.  I knew hiding my head in the sand is what I have been doing for too long now, and it’s time to face the fact that my body is not what it was 10 years ago.  It’s time to stare into the mirror and see the 60 pounds I still have left to lose.

After that was all said and done, I decided instead of putting on my fat clothes, I would instead put on the smallest pair of pants that I can fit in.  I’m wearing mostly 14s (from 22-24), but I have a pair of rogue Old Navy Bermuda Shorts that are a size 10!  I straightened my hair (I think it makes me look thinner), and put on some makeup, and went with my hubby and my boys to a barbeque with friends at my sister’s.

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It only took a few minutes of looking in the mirror dressed and made up, to feel better, and to know that in 6 months when I’m even closer to my goal, I’ll feel even better.  I know, there will still be days when I look in the mirror and see something that disgusts me, but I won’t let that dictate who I am or who I can be.

 
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Posted by on May 5, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Sliding at the park

This afternoon I took my oldest son to the park.  I have mentioned before that one of my biggest reasons for starting my weight loss journey was to be able to play with my kids and not just sit on the bench and watch.

Today, I took him all by myself, no excuse to sit back and watch.  When we got there he was acting a little timid.  He didn’t seem to want to climb on any of the equipment or anything.  We tried the climbing wall, he started up to go down the slide and changed his mind, he got on one of the rocking horse things and determined it was too cold, he didn’t want to swing and on and on.  I was beginning to think it was a wasted trip.  We went over to the smaller play area and as he started down the steps instead of taking the slide, I asked him if he wanted me to go with him.  He hesitated for a minute, but then decided that would be a good idea.

Last fall, I wouldn’t have even suggested that as an option.  My hind-end was too wide to even sit in the slide, let alone actually slide down it.  I started up the steps and sat on the slide, thinking, “I really hope I can fit, since there are a bunch of people around.”

I sat down at the top of the slide and had no problem fitting.  We slid down together 4 more times after that.  Then he decided he was ok to do it on his own.  I was so thrilled that I was able to do it with him.

After the little slide I climbed up to the big one with him.  They have one of those bridges that moves that you have to go across to get to it, and he hates those.  We would climb up to the bridge, I’d carry him across, he’d slide down and we’d meet at the bottom.

On the way home, I fought back tears.  It meant so much to me to be able to play with my little man.  We left not because I was tired, or my feet hurt, but because it was starting to get cold.  I was able to climb on the playground with him, and slide on the slide.  It was something we had never been able to do together.

It makes every second of sweat, every bite of broccoli, every passed over candy bar more than worth it.  The number on the scale doesn’t matter when I see the smile on this beautiful face.  I’m on the right track, and confident by this summer, he’ll be working to keep up with me.

 
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Posted by on March 27, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Down 4 Pants Sizes

Down 4 Pants Sizes

Prior to a rare date night, my boys were with their grandparents and I decided to try on some clothes to kill time. These pants are a size 14! Back in October I was wearing a 20/22!

 
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Posted by on March 1, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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