Tag Archives: motherhood

Making a Choice

Who would choose to be overweight?  Who would want to struggle to reach their toes; shop in stores specifically for people who are heavier?  I worked so hard for a long time to not feel weighed down by more than 100 extra pounds.  It took time, focus and determination to get to the point where I could shop anywhere I wanted to and try on clothes without melting into a sweaty puddle on the floor of the fitting room; eventually leaving the store, praying the size 24 jeans I was leaving with would fit because I was just too exhausted to try on another pair.

Before I started on my weight loss journey I liked to blame my weight on my health.  I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  I walk this very fine line between loosing and gaining.  I could gain 10 pounds in a week.  They claim simple science of 3,500 calories equaling a pound but with PCOS, that isn’t always the case.  I could gain 3 pounds by going over my daily calories by a couple hundred a couple days in a row.  I used that was an excuse.  I choose to let that get in my way and then I choose not to.

Here I am, making the same choice, making excuses.  I’m not ready, I just had a baby 3 weeks ago, my hormones are still out of whack, I’m sleep deprived, it takes so much effort, and on and on I could go.  But the truth is I’ll be saying the same thing 3 weeks from now.  I’m still in a smaller size than I was when I started this process but not far from it.  I promised myself I would never see a size 18 on my body again, but today, that is what I’m wearing, telling myself it is only because I just had a baby and I’ll get out of that size in no time.  That’s so true, but unless I make a choice, I’ll only be leaving the size 18’s to squeeze into a 20.  It’s time to make a choice for my children and for myself.  I refuse to set the example I set for so many years, I will not avoid taking pictures with my babies because I feel like a flabby mess.  I will get back to where I was, I just need to make that choice.

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Posted by on April 27, 2016 in Uncategorized


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One Small Change

I’m constantly telling my Weight Watchers members to focus their attention on one small change a week.  Over the course of time, those small changes add up to big changes that lead to changing your lifestyle rather than just losing weight.  I remember a meeting back when I first became a leader where a member was so worried if she went over her points because of her coffee creamer, she wouldn’t lose.  But she was changing everything else about how she ate, so she still saw big results.  It is so easy to help people with their own struggles, but something totally different when it comes to following your own advice.  With the changing hormones and the exhaustion physically and emotionally, I’m overwhelmed and while these may all add up to excuses, it is just too much for me right now.

So the other day I posted about wearing leggings everyday.  What I didn’t say is I’m pretty much wearing the same 2 pairs of leggings everyday, which certainly is not helping me out of this ‘how did I gain so much weight while I was pregnant’ funk.

Since I’m not ready to hop right back in, I’m trying to shift my focus to one small change at a time.  Today I will not drink my calories.  Well, not all of them, I did have my coffee creamer (keeps me from adding sugar) and some fat free milk this morning, but no soda and no juice.  I have convinced myself grabbing a can of soda, which my hubby keeps stocked in the refrigerator is easier than getting out the ice and the water and dirtying a cup and blah, blah, blah.

I’m planning to pair my physical change with an attempt at an emotional one as well.  This one I’m sure will be a whole lot more difficult.  Size is nothing but a letter and weight is just a number, at least that’s what I tell others all the time.  If that is the case, what does it matter if I buy a pair of bigger pants?  No!  I do not want to get comfortable so I never do what I need to to get back to where I was, but at the same time, it’s not going to happen overnight and these 2 pairs of leggings are likely not going to last that long if I’m wearing them everyday and washing them every other.  I’m sure with my raging hormones, I’ll cry for a couple days when I buy a bigger size but I will just keep reminding myself, I won’t be there long.

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Posted by on April 18, 2016 in Uncategorized


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Leggings are Pants

Tomorrow our littlest love will be 2 weeks old (I know!  Where in the world has the time gone?!)  It also marks 2 weeks of wearing nothing but leggings.  I know leggings as pants are a serious fashion tragedy, but right now I find myself not even close to fitting in my pre-pregnancy clothes.  Don’t worry, when I try not to leave the house in said “pants” without a shirt that comes down low enough to cover my butt, cause let’s face it, that’s not sexy for anyone, let alone someone who just grew a human and several sizes over the last 9 months.

I have given some thought to hitting up some thrift shops and getting some “new” clothes but I refuse to allow myself to get too comfortable in this post baby body.  I know that will just make it that much easier to stay off track and continue to make excuses until the bigger size becomes an even bigger size and an even bigger beyond that.  As soon as my doctor gives me the OK, I will be back at the gym and out of those bigger clothes and hopefully out of my sexy “pants” sooner rather than later.

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Posted by on April 15, 2016 in Uncategorized


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Feeding Mama

There is something I had completely forgotten about having a newborn.  With all the things going on in my household, there are days and times when what mama needs gets pushed to the back burner or simply doesn’t happen at all.  The other day I realized on my way out the door at 11:45 that I hadn’t eaten anything all day!  I hadn’t felt hungry; between diaper changes, bottles, breakfast for big kids it slipped my mind.  This is unheard of for me!  I love food and I love to eat and it is not often I skip a meal, let alone forget.

If only I could forget about the peanut butter ice cream my hubby brought home the other night, or the Oreos he just munched on.  I’m so jealous of the fact that he can have an entire package of cookies and eat 2 or 3 whereas me on the other hand, I’ll eat every last one.

I just need to get used to the idea again that there are going to be things in our household that I say no to.  It’s not like my house is full of junk food all the time, but I do have a 6 year old, a 3 year old and a husband who walks 6 miles a day at his job and doesn’t gain 8 pounds by smelling chocolate.  I’ve done it before I can do it again, but why does the junk have to taste so good?

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Posted by on April 14, 2016 in Uncategorized


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Worth All 8 lbs 2 oz

It is no secret it has been a while since my last post.  Time has flown and a lot has changed but yet so much has stayed the same.  I’m still struggling with the same demons when it comes to diet and things have been a whole lot more challenging in that department since August.

In August we found out we were expecting the miracle of baby number 3.  Losing weight obviously eliminated my fertility problems.  We had tried for over a year for our first and 3 years for our second with a year on fertility meds.  I was convinced I could never be surprised by a pregnancy.  Those who have struggled know he window is small.  I am certain this was a mush higher power working in our lives.

Here I sit 9 months later, holding our beautiful baby girl.  She has completed our family.  My pregnancy with her was a cake walk, in the health department and LITERALLY in the weight department.  I allowed myself to indulge on all the things I had cut from my diet for so long.  I went through waves of working my doctor’s approved version of  Weight Watchers only to flop on my face into sleeves of Oreo cookies, mountains of pork fried rice and miles of melty pizza cheese.  It was delicious, disgusting and so totally worth it.


This face was worth every craving I caved on, every zumba class I had to sit out (doctor’s orders at about 5 months), every tear I cried over clothes that didn’t fit, every pants size between goal and where I am now; it was worth starting over for.  While my clothes from when I started my weight loss journey are much too large, my goal jeans I can’t even pull up past my knees.  I’m struggling to find the motivation to do anything other than nap, snuggle and love my boys and our baby girl.

I know I’ll get there, but I know it’s going to take me some time, and probably a long time.  I was happy at goal, but right now I’m euphoric.  I have come a long way from the number I started out at on the scale, but there are other things that never changed and more than likely, never will and I’m OK with that.  There is more to life than counting calories and I’ll get back to that tomorrow.


Posted by on April 12, 2016 in Uncategorized


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How Times Have Changed

This weekend, I got to spend an amazing Mother’s Day with my favorite boys.  Not that I don’t get to spend time with them on a regular basis, but Mother’s Day is blissful for me, mostly because my husband lets me sleep in and I am off diaper duty for the day.  We usually go out to breakfast (or I get served breakfast in bed) and usually eat out for another meal. 

However, looming over my head was the stubborn 3 pounds that have found their way back on to my body.  I’ve been trying for 3 weeks to get rid of!  I’ve been following the Weight Watchers Plan, staying within my points, exercising regularly, tracking; all of it!  Members come to me with concerns about this all the time, and it’s so easy to help them work through it, but when you’re trying to talk to yourself, it doesn’t always have the same effect. 

So, I made a decision.  I knew we would be going out to dinner with my parents, sister’s family and grandmothers on Saturday and Sunday we were planning breakfast out with my in-laws, so I decided I was going to eat whatever I wanted, and I did. 

This weekend put a couple things into prospective for me.  First, eating “whatever I want” is so different for me now.  For dinner I had lemon, pepper haddock with a baked potato, (which is a far cry from a burger and fries).  For desert, I shared a sundae with my mom.  Could I have eaten en entire one by myself?  You bet!  And I would have before.  As far as the sundae goes, there was another HUGE difference; I enjoyed every single bite, rather than swallowing it whole without really tasting it.

The next morning, my breakfast of “whatever I wanted,” started out as the breakfast buffet complete with eggs, pancakes, bacon, sausage, all the delicious breakfast yummies you can think of, but I changed my mind and had my hubby get our waiter.  I ended up with egg beaters, a couple strips of bacon and home fries.  Was it the best, most healthy choice I could have made?  Maybe not… Could I had skipped the bacon?  Of course!  But when we left the restaurant, I didn’t feel deprived at all, and that is what is going to help me keep the weight off in the long run. 

We spent the afternoon hiking as a family.  Another thing that was hugely different than in Mother’s Days past.  Before I would have spent the entire day on the couch, watching TV, having my husband get me snacks, catching a nap every so often.  Instead, it was my idea to hike a mountain.  Not a huge one, but a mile up and a mile down. 


To make for a little added challenge, I carried my youngest (23 pounds) in a backpack the entire way (here’s some prospective, I would have had to carry 5 of him to equal the extra weight I was carrying around before).  I was amazed at how much my balance has improved, how much more stamina I have and how great I felt during and after.  I go to the gym on a regular basis but to do something with my family I had never done with them before, to see the smiles on the faces of my children, and to know we were spending the day doing something that was so good for us all made me forget about those stupid 3 pounds. 


That evening, after dinner, we went out for ice cream.  It was a perfect weekend!

I woke up Monday morning, ready to get back on the diet train, and somehow, I had managed to lose that 3 pounds over the weekend.  Maybe my body will catch up with my desserts I indulged in over the next couple of days, or my body has grown so used to what I’m doing, it was caught off guard by the splurges.  Time will tell.  No matter what, this weekend helped me to be more confident in my ability to maintain.  Not only was I able to get off track then right back on again, but it was a big eye opener to see how far I have come from the track I was on before. 

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Posted by on May 14, 2014 in Uncategorized


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Couldn’t Do It Without Him

I’ve bragged in the past about how lucky I am to have my amazing husband in my life.  He has been so supportive along the way on my weight loss journey and his role has gotten even more important over the last couple of weeks. 

Our 4 year old started Pre-K this fall.  I was a little nervous it might make my workout schedule hard to keep on track.  He has to e at school in the morning at 8.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays I have TRX from 6:30-7:15. 

Every Tuesday and Thursday, he gets up and gets our oldest ready for school, gets our youngest breakfast (the other eats at school), gets both boys dressed, gets himself ready for work and allows me to hop in the shower when I get home so we can be out the door by 7:45.  He also holds down the fort on Monday’s while I work all day (it’s his day off) and never complains that I don’t come home until 6:30 so I can do zumba after work.  When I get home, both boys have been fed and there’s usually dinner waiting for me when I walk through the door.  Not all husbands are as supportive and willing to take on the role that mine does.  If it wasn’t for him making sure everything is being done at home, I would feel guilty with every workout, or not have time to squeeze it in at all. 

Last night was a rough night with our youngest.  For some reason, Mr. Man didn’t want to sleep at all.  My husband got up and took him out in the living room where he spent the entire night so I could sleep.  He knew I had TRX this morning, so instead of coming in to wake me up so we could take turns, he just did it, no questions asked and no complaints.  I’m a lucky lady.  While the oldest was at school, I took a nap with the youngest.  It’s my turn to be up all night tonight.


Posted by on October 8, 2013 in Uncategorized


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