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Worth All 8 lbs 2 oz

It is no secret it has been a while since my last post.  Time has flown and a lot has changed but yet so much has stayed the same.  I’m still struggling with the same demons when it comes to diet and things have been a whole lot more challenging in that department since August.

In August we found out we were expecting the miracle of baby number 3.  Losing weight obviously eliminated my fertility problems.  We had tried for over a year for our first and 3 years for our second with a year on fertility meds.  I was convinced I could never be surprised by a pregnancy.  Those who have struggled know he window is small.  I am certain this was a mush higher power working in our lives.

Here I sit 9 months later, holding our beautiful baby girl.  She has completed our family.  My pregnancy with her was a cake walk, in the health department and LITERALLY in the weight department.  I allowed myself to indulge on all the things I had cut from my diet for so long.  I went through waves of working my doctor’s approved version of  Weight Watchers only to flop on my face into sleeves of Oreo cookies, mountains of pork fried rice and miles of melty pizza cheese.  It was delicious, disgusting and so totally worth it.

gabby

This face was worth every craving I caved on, every zumba class I had to sit out (doctor’s orders at about 5 months), every tear I cried over clothes that didn’t fit, every pants size between goal and where I am now; it was worth starting over for.  While my clothes from when I started my weight loss journey are much too large, my goal jeans I can’t even pull up past my knees.  I’m struggling to find the motivation to do anything other than nap, snuggle and love my boys and our baby girl.

I know I’ll get there, but I know it’s going to take me some time, and probably a long time.  I was happy at goal, but right now I’m euphoric.  I have come a long way from the number I started out at on the scale, but there are other things that never changed and more than likely, never will and I’m OK with that.  There is more to life than counting calories and I’ll get back to that tomorrow.

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Posted by on April 12, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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Mom’s Job to Eat the Left Overs

There are starving children in Africa, right?  That must be why I feel the need to finish my son’s plate every meal that he doesn’t eat every last bite.  I do such a great job portioning out my meals, then the left overs sitting on his plate taunt me until I give it and gobble them up!  It’s never a lot of food.  It’s not like I pile my 4 year old’s plate, but it all adds up.

Part of the problem in my household, is my son tends to graze after he eats.  He might have a half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at lunch time, but a half hour later, he will often eat the other half.  If it has been tossed or put away, it is the all time end of the world.  So it just sits there staring at me.

Then there are the days when my sweet boy wants to share.  He’ll have an oreo for desert and he will insist that mama needs some or he’ll be munching on cheese its or goldfish crackers and I don’t want to discourage him from sharing.

I know it’s an excuse.  As I sit here typing, I realize what a horrible excuse it is.  I should be teaching my child to stop eating when he’s full, not accept a snack to be polite and not to eat the left overs so as not to be wasteful (not that I want him to do that either but saving for later is an option not to be ignored).

This past few weeks have been more of a struggle for me than it has been since I started.  The first month of my diet, I didn’t let anything fast food other than salad pass through my lips, I didn’t nibble from my little one’s plate, I didn’t go back out to the kitchen and hover over the left overs picking pieces here and there.  I know losing weight (and keeping it off) is about changing a lifestyle and it is obvious I not only still have some pounds to lose, but I still have work to do on myself, my self control, my eating out of boredom and my guilt for wasting food when there are starving children in Africa.

 
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Posted by on June 5, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Reminded What it’s All About

Yesterday I got to spend a wonderful Mother’s Day with my boys.  The day started with breakfast in bed made by my hubby and my oldest son (after about 5 minutes of “cooking” he came upstairs and climbed into bed with me and watched a movie). 

After a breakfast of egg whites and homemade home-fries, we got ready and headed to my parent’s so we could go to church with them.  After church we spent some time having lunch with my mom and dad, my grandmother and my sister and her family.  After lunch the kids played for a bit, then we headed for home.

We were planning to spend some time at home before heading to my in-laws, but on the way home, the kids both fell asleep.  I had told my husband the night before that I really just wanted to make sure I was able to go for a run.  Since my in-laws live down a dirt road, we decided to head to their house earlier than we planned and to go running there.  My husband also decided he was going to run with me.

When we got changed and ready to run, my 4 year-old was really upset.  He really wanted to go with us, but since the distance we were planning was 2.4 miles, we didn’t think it was such a good idea.  I was filled with guilt as we walked out the door, with him standing in the window, waving with tears running down his cheeks.  I kept thinking, “This is Mother’s Day.  I’m supposed to be spending time with my kids,” but I decided it was only 2.4 miles, so it wouldn’t be that much time that we’d be gone. 

It was really nice to run with my husband.  It was certainly a first!  He kept his pace a little (or a lot) slower so he didn’t get too far ahead of me. 

The furthest I had gone without stopping to walk was a little over 1 1/2 miles, so the 2.4 was quite a task for me and I’m sure had I gone by myself, without my husband’s encouragement, I probably wouldn’t have made it the entire 2.4 miles, but I did!

A little over halfway through our run, I got some additional encouragement.  My father-in-law brought our son out to meet us on their golf cart.  When he saw us, he hopped out and ran with us for a few minutes.  While all 3 of us were running together, I was reminded how important being a good role model for my boys is.  I may have had to leave him for a few minutes, but he is getting excited to exercise with us.  He may have only run for a few minutes, then stopped to walk and throw rocks, but he saw his mom and dad working together, working out and wanted to be a part of it. 

It was such a special moment for me.  I forgot all about the sad eyes that watched me leave and saw an energetic little boy smiling and running.  This is not something I would have imagined a Sunday looking like for our family 6 months ago.  I’m looking forwards to turning more lazy Sundays with my boys into a chance to be active as a family.

 
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Posted by on May 13, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Not Feeling So Guilty Anymore

Before I started working out I had a really hard time convincing myself it was ok to take that hour or 2 to leave my kids at home and go to the gym.  Before my second was born, I was working full time and just couldn’t imagine being away from my little man any more than I absolutely had to. 

After the birth of our second, I cut back my hours to part-time, but now instead of sharing my time with work, I was splitting it between 2 children.  It worked as an excellent excuse for me for a long time. 

When I started working out on a regular basis, I still struggled with knowing I was not with my kids.  I had a hard time not rushing home right after work on Monday nights to be with them after being at work all day.  I had to fight the urge to go pick them up from my in-law’s on Wednesdays as soon as 5 o’clock rolled around.  I tried to get up early in the mornings to go before they woke up, but I’m not an early riser and would just use that as another excuse.

Gradually I have found myself feeling a little less guilty about my workouts.  I’m not sure if it’s because I’m getting some much needed me time, or if it’s because I know that these few hours a week I’m spending away from them now is buying me years with them in the future.  All I know is, when 5 o’clock rolls around on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I look forward to shaking my butt off at zumba, and now on Tuesdays and Thursdays I’m looking forward to my WOD, and then I drive as fast as I can, safely, of course, to get home to my kids.  They are one of the biggest reasons I want to get healthier, and I won’t allow myself to use them as an excuse anymore.  They deserve better, and that is what I’m giving them.

 
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Posted by on May 3, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Birthday Bash!

I haven’t been able to get on much in the past week.  My son turned 4 and between cleaning and prepping for his birthday party, my workouts and my other son and my husband, that didn’t leave a ton of time. 

In prepping for my son’s Sunday birthday party, I decided to make his birthday cake the day before.  Good thing I did!  Pintrest makes me think that I am crafty, when the reality is, I’m far from it.  I was planning on making a 3-D pirate ship cake.  I found a simple (or seemed to be simple) design on pintrest.  You made 2 box cakes, cut out a ship, piled one on top of the other, and stacked higher on the ends of the cake.  You were supposed to be able to hold it together whatever those big toothpick looking things are called. 

I got the cakes baked and started trying to put them together.  First, the second layer of my cake split.  As I’m trying to frost the cake, praying it will hold up and stay together, my 7 month old is crying and running into me with his walker (over and over again), then as I stacked, the more it split and I watched as the front of the boat separated further and further from the cake, until I helped it the rest of the way into the floor!

My oldest then joined the choir of crying because mommy ruined his cake, my youngest was still running into my heels crying, and running his walker through the cake I had thrown on the floor, I had my head down on my arm crying,  It was spectacular! 

Walmart ended up “fixing” the cake for us.  And by fixing, I mean making.  I figured the $15 was worth my sanity!  He had a great birthday party, and mama resisted the cake, so it was a win win!

 
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Posted by on April 30, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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