Tag Archives: remembrance

I Remember the Sunshine

I remember the sunshine.  The sky was a beautiful blue, the breeze was light and the air was cool.  I remember standing out on the deck, looking out over the ocean at such peace and such beauty and wondering how all could seems so perfect and serene when others were experiencing such horror and fear. 

I was 16 years old.  Every year students from my high school and surrounding schools went to a place called Haystack Mountain School of Crafts to do studio based learning.  We were all put in different classes (of our choice) to learn different arts.  We stayed in cabins with students from other schools.  We all came together, for a few days of fun, learning and getting to know people we may never have met otherwise. 

There were no TV’s. no cell phones so when we got word of the terror attacks, all we had was an old barely functional radio.  I remember searching the sky for planes.  We were miles away, but yet I was scared.  I used the pay phone to try to call my boyfriend (at the time) who was going to school in Boston.  I remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach when all I got was a strange busy signal that I continued to get throughout the day.

I remember a friend’s mother coming to bring something to her daughter and her telling us about the horrible things that unfolded live on TV.  I remember closing my eyes and imagining people leaping from buildings because they had no other choice, and thinking how unimaginable that was when all seemed so perfect on the porch of the cafeteria of Haystack.

I remember seeing one of the instructors sitting on the steps, resting his head in his hands while he cried for his brother who was in one of the towers.  I remember holding hands with someone I didn’t know, while we all bowed our heads on the porch for a prayer circle; something that would have never happened had we actually be on school grounds, but that we all needed.

I remember returning to reality a couple days later; a reality that would never be the same.  I remember the first time I went to ground zero, looking up at the sunshine on a beautiful day in New York City and thinking about what those people saw that day. 

I know a fear I never knew before.  I worry for my children’s safety in a way I probably never would have.  I worry about my husband who is on inactive reserve in the Army.  I worried the day I met him, that he would someday have to leave me to fight a war that we didn’t realize existed before that day. 

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Posted by on September 11, 2013 in Uncategorized


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A Day to Celebrate

7 years ago, I spent this day celebrating my best friends 21st birthday.  A bunch of us gathered around a table in the corner of a restaurant for some food, drinks and laughter.  It was not only a celebration of a beautiful woman’s birth, but also a celebration of the brave battle she had fought against cancer. 


Those 3 years had held a lot of ups and downs for her.  She had endured countless hours in a hospital room hooked up to an IV while her body was pumped full of poison that would hopefully save her life.  Her beautiful brown hair had fallen out in clumps on her pillow and in her shower while she cried tears of fear, sadness and change.  She had waited through body scans and blood tests, anti-nausea meds and so much more.  But more than that, she had finally found the man of her dreams, she had risen above the pain and continued to dance, she had inspired so many, and she had survived.  We had no idea her fight was only just beginning.

Looking back now, had I known that was the last birthday I would celebrate with my friend, I would have stayed all night long.  I would have toasted to the memories and made more.  I would have held on a little tighter, savored the every moment.  She had come through so much and was so strong, I never thought CANCER could take her from us only 5 months later.

Today I look back, 7 years later.  She would have been celebrating 28.  To this day I still find myself picking up the phone to call her, I look at my babies and wonder what hers would look like and if they would play together as we did so many times at their age.  I think of her when the wind blows and when I see butterflies.  Because of her, I still smile when I hear a Blink 182 song or see Elton Brown on the food network.  I wish she could meet my husband and had been there to stand next to me at my wedding, and when I welcomed my babies into the world.  Everyday she is my inspiration.  The pain of her absence is as strong as it was the day she took her last breath.  So many things we would have shared together, so many more memories to make.

Cancer may have taken her life, but it could never take her spirit.  It never took her smile or the spark in her eyes.  It never came close to her courage, her laughter or her ability to make others laugh.  It took her from my life, but never from my heart.  Love you Lace!  Dance strong!  MIZPAH!

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Posted by on April 19, 2013 in Uncategorized


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