RSS

Tag Archives: weight gain

I don’t Want to Walk About it

It has been 3 years since I last posted on this blog. 3 YEARS!!! I can sum up my health and my weight in one simple sentence; I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about the times I have restarted and given up. I don’t want to talk about the fact that here I am, starting yet again, only this time at nearly the same weight that I started. I don’t want to talk about that 103 pounds that have found their way back on to my body. I don’t want to talk about the excuses I’ve made, the many Monday’s I promised myself I would start over on and didn’t. I don’t want to talk about my pants size or the fact that I have donated most of my size 4’s and replaced them instead with 18’s. I don’t want to talk about the defeat I have felt when I’ve looked in the mirror or stood naked in the shower. I don’t want to talk about the number of times I visited a drive thru in the past 3 years. I don’t want to talk about the number of times by babies, especially my impressionable little girl have heard me call myself fat. I can’t stand to think about the years where I have simply given up, let alone put them into words out loud or in this post. I don’t want to talk about it, so I won’t.

What I will talk about is that I’m here, again. I am starting over. I will not allow myself to continue in this place of sadness, shame and food.

I can’t keep pretending I will start again tomorrow. The more tomorrow’s fly by, the harder it is to start again, the more my health suffers and the greater the odds are that I will leave my beautiful babies motherless and an amazing man a widow because I was not will to stop; stop making excuses; stop filling my body with things that are only killing me. I have been killing myself for the last 3 years, and that is something I don’t want to talk about.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on November 20, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , ,

Worth All 8 lbs 2 oz

It is no secret it has been a while since my last post.  Time has flown and a lot has changed but yet so much has stayed the same.  I’m still struggling with the same demons when it comes to diet and things have been a whole lot more challenging in that department since August.

In August we found out we were expecting the miracle of baby number 3.  Losing weight obviously eliminated my fertility problems.  We had tried for over a year for our first and 3 years for our second with a year on fertility meds.  I was convinced I could never be surprised by a pregnancy.  Those who have struggled know he window is small.  I am certain this was a mush higher power working in our lives.

Here I sit 9 months later, holding our beautiful baby girl.  She has completed our family.  My pregnancy with her was a cake walk, in the health department and LITERALLY in the weight department.  I allowed myself to indulge on all the things I had cut from my diet for so long.  I went through waves of working my doctor’s approved version of  Weight Watchers only to flop on my face into sleeves of Oreo cookies, mountains of pork fried rice and miles of melty pizza cheese.  It was delicious, disgusting and so totally worth it.

gabby

This face was worth every craving I caved on, every zumba class I had to sit out (doctor’s orders at about 5 months), every tear I cried over clothes that didn’t fit, every pants size between goal and where I am now; it was worth starting over for.  While my clothes from when I started my weight loss journey are much too large, my goal jeans I can’t even pull up past my knees.  I’m struggling to find the motivation to do anything other than nap, snuggle and love my boys and our baby girl.

I know I’ll get there, but I know it’s going to take me some time, and probably a long time.  I was happy at goal, but right now I’m euphoric.  I have come a long way from the number I started out at on the scale, but there are other things that never changed and more than likely, never will and I’m OK with that.  There is more to life than counting calories and I’ll get back to that tomorrow.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on April 12, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,