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Making a Choice

Who would choose to be overweight?  Who would want to struggle to reach their toes; shop in stores specifically for people who are heavier?  I worked so hard for a long time to not feel weighed down by more than 100 extra pounds.  It took time, focus and determination to get to the point where I could shop anywhere I wanted to and try on clothes without melting into a sweaty puddle on the floor of the fitting room; eventually leaving the store, praying the size 24 jeans I was leaving with would fit because I was just too exhausted to try on another pair.

Before I started on my weight loss journey I liked to blame my weight on my health.  I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  I walk this very fine line between loosing and gaining.  I could gain 10 pounds in a week.  They claim simple science of 3,500 calories equaling a pound but with PCOS, that isn’t always the case.  I could gain 3 pounds by going over my daily calories by a couple hundred a couple days in a row.  I used that was an excuse.  I choose to let that get in my way and then I choose not to.

Here I am, making the same choice, making excuses.  I’m not ready, I just had a baby 3 weeks ago, my hormones are still out of whack, I’m sleep deprived, it takes so much effort, and on and on I could go.  But the truth is I’ll be saying the same thing 3 weeks from now.  I’m still in a smaller size than I was when I started this process but not far from it.  I promised myself I would never see a size 18 on my body again, but today, that is what I’m wearing, telling myself it is only because I just had a baby and I’ll get out of that size in no time.  That’s so true, but unless I make a choice, I’ll only be leaving the size 18’s to squeeze into a 20.  It’s time to make a choice for my children and for myself.  I refuse to set the example I set for so many years, I will not avoid taking pictures with my babies because I feel like a flabby mess.  I will get back to where I was, I just need to make that choice.

 
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Posted by on April 27, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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One Small Change

I’m constantly telling my Weight Watchers members to focus their attention on one small change a week.  Over the course of time, those small changes add up to big changes that lead to changing your lifestyle rather than just losing weight.  I remember a meeting back when I first became a leader where a member was so worried if she went over her points because of her coffee creamer, she wouldn’t lose.  But she was changing everything else about how she ate, so she still saw big results.  It is so easy to help people with their own struggles, but something totally different when it comes to following your own advice.  With the changing hormones and the exhaustion physically and emotionally, I’m overwhelmed and while these may all add up to excuses, it is just too much for me right now.

So the other day I posted about wearing leggings everyday.  What I didn’t say is I’m pretty much wearing the same 2 pairs of leggings everyday, which certainly is not helping me out of this ‘how did I gain so much weight while I was pregnant’ funk.

Since I’m not ready to hop right back in, I’m trying to shift my focus to one small change at a time.  Today I will not drink my calories.  Well, not all of them, I did have my coffee creamer (keeps me from adding sugar) and some fat free milk this morning, but no soda and no juice.  I have convinced myself grabbing a can of soda, which my hubby keeps stocked in the refrigerator is easier than getting out the ice and the water and dirtying a cup and blah, blah, blah.

I’m planning to pair my physical change with an attempt at an emotional one as well.  This one I’m sure will be a whole lot more difficult.  Size is nothing but a letter and weight is just a number, at least that’s what I tell others all the time.  If that is the case, what does it matter if I buy a pair of bigger pants?  No!  I do not want to get comfortable so I never do what I need to to get back to where I was, but at the same time, it’s not going to happen overnight and these 2 pairs of leggings are likely not going to last that long if I’m wearing them everyday and washing them every other.  I’m sure with my raging hormones, I’ll cry for a couple days when I buy a bigger size but I will just keep reminding myself, I won’t be there long.

 
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Posted by on April 18, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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How Times Have Changed

This weekend, I got to spend an amazing Mother’s Day with my favorite boys.  Not that I don’t get to spend time with them on a regular basis, but Mother’s Day is blissful for me, mostly because my husband lets me sleep in and I am off diaper duty for the day.  We usually go out to breakfast (or I get served breakfast in bed) and usually eat out for another meal. 

However, looming over my head was the stubborn 3 pounds that have found their way back on to my body.  I’ve been trying for 3 weeks to get rid of!  I’ve been following the Weight Watchers Plan, staying within my points, exercising regularly, tracking; all of it!  Members come to me with concerns about this all the time, and it’s so easy to help them work through it, but when you’re trying to talk to yourself, it doesn’t always have the same effect. 

So, I made a decision.  I knew we would be going out to dinner with my parents, sister’s family and grandmothers on Saturday and Sunday we were planning breakfast out with my in-laws, so I decided I was going to eat whatever I wanted, and I did. 

This weekend put a couple things into prospective for me.  First, eating “whatever I want” is so different for me now.  For dinner I had lemon, pepper haddock with a baked potato, (which is a far cry from a burger and fries).  For desert, I shared a sundae with my mom.  Could I have eaten en entire one by myself?  You bet!  And I would have before.  As far as the sundae goes, there was another HUGE difference; I enjoyed every single bite, rather than swallowing it whole without really tasting it.

The next morning, my breakfast of “whatever I wanted,” started out as the breakfast buffet complete with eggs, pancakes, bacon, sausage, all the delicious breakfast yummies you can think of, but I changed my mind and had my hubby get our waiter.  I ended up with egg beaters, a couple strips of bacon and home fries.  Was it the best, most healthy choice I could have made?  Maybe not… Could I had skipped the bacon?  Of course!  But when we left the restaurant, I didn’t feel deprived at all, and that is what is going to help me keep the weight off in the long run. 

We spent the afternoon hiking as a family.  Another thing that was hugely different than in Mother’s Days past.  Before I would have spent the entire day on the couch, watching TV, having my husband get me snacks, catching a nap every so often.  Instead, it was my idea to hike a mountain.  Not a huge one, but a mile up and a mile down. 

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To make for a little added challenge, I carried my youngest (23 pounds) in a backpack the entire way (here’s some prospective, I would have had to carry 5 of him to equal the extra weight I was carrying around before).  I was amazed at how much my balance has improved, how much more stamina I have and how great I felt during and after.  I go to the gym on a regular basis but to do something with my family I had never done with them before, to see the smiles on the faces of my children, and to know we were spending the day doing something that was so good for us all made me forget about those stupid 3 pounds. 

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That evening, after dinner, we went out for ice cream.  It was a perfect weekend!

I woke up Monday morning, ready to get back on the diet train, and somehow, I had managed to lose that 3 pounds over the weekend.  Maybe my body will catch up with my desserts I indulged in over the next couple of days, or my body has grown so used to what I’m doing, it was caught off guard by the splurges.  Time will tell.  No matter what, this weekend helped me to be more confident in my ability to maintain.  Not only was I able to get off track then right back on again, but it was a big eye opener to see how far I have come from the track I was on before. 

 
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Posted by on May 14, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Bye Bye Buffer

I’m at my lifetime membership for Weight Watchers and I like to keep a little buffer for myself as far as pounds go.  If I can help it, I like to be at least 5 pounds below my goal weight to allow for different scales and the occasional fluid retention and splurge.  That being said, the past 2 weeks, splurge has been used a bit more and tracking a bit less and all of the sudden, bye bye buffer. 

An analogy I heard from a leader that I have used in my meetings is comparing a bad choice such as a meal or snack as being like spilling milk.  You wouldn’t then pour out the entire jug.  Let’s just say in the past couple of weeks, I have dumped many a jug of milk. 

So it was not a huge surprise to me when I stepped on the scale and the 7 pound buffer I had built was down to 2 pounds (a dangerous place to be since I add at least 1 pound for the Weight Watchers scale).  I know with maintenance, it doesn’t matter if I gain a pound or 5 as long as I’m still below that goal number, but even though I’m happy where I am and OK with not losing any more weight, the idea of gaining evening a pound is not something I want to do, even if it’s just shrinking the buffer I’ve built.  I’m afraid that 5 pounds will lead to 10 which will lead to 20 and before you know it, I’ve slid right back to somewhere I don’t want to be.  So today it’s back to tracking.  No more spilling milk, and if I do spill a drop, I’m not going wild and dumping the whole jug. 

 

 
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Posted by on February 10, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Where Have I Been?

It’s been a while hasn’t it?  I just realized, I haven’t posted on here since the beginning of December!  So let me catch you up. 

I have since my last post, achieved my lifetime membership at Weight Watchers.  It was a slightly early Christmas present for me and since then, I’m still working my way through maintenance.  After so much time of losing, it isn’t easy to switch up the mind set.  If I drop below goal weight and then gain a pound, I have to remind myself it’s ok to do that.  That being said, I have lost a few pounds since switching to maintenance, and while I know it’s ok to gain as long as I stay within range of my goal weight, I still don’t want to.  Right now, I’m about 5 pounds under goal and I’d like to stay that way.  You may think that means I should set a new goal, but I’m not really ready to do that yet, as I’m sure if I set my goal 5 pounds lower, I’d likely just want to be 5 pounds below that.

I have taken over leading one Weight Watchers meeting a week and have filled in for several meetings since completing my training.  It is getting easier and I think my group is getting more used to me, but it is certainly harder than i thought it would be.  Some meetings are easier than others, but no matter the meeting, I love it!  I love celebrating people’s weight loss victories with them, helping them work through the defeats and learning from them. 

Anything else seems to be irrelevant at this point since it’s been so long since I’ve posted.  Happy belated New Year!  Let’s make it a happy healthy one! with hopefully better blogging resolve.

 
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Posted by on February 3, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Amazing Weekend of Leader Training

This weekend, I spent 2 days training to become a Weight Watchers leader.  I was nervous about the training and even more worried about leaving my boys for the weekend.  I headed out for the 2 1/2 hour drive on Friday night.  I will not say whether I cried when I left my boys (which gives you the answer without me saying it).  First my trusty GPS took me to the wrong hotel in the wrong city.  It was amazingly horrible, and just when I was starting to think this training might not be such a great idea, I finally arrived.

I said no to the whoopie pie at check in although it looked so good.  For those of you who don’t know, a whoopie pie is 2 chocolate cakes with icing in the middle, think giant oreo!  My roommate had not arrived so I settled in for the night, called my boys, watched some TV, called my boys and finally went to sleep (my Dunkin’ Donuts Eggnog Latte helped keep me awake for the drive and then about 3 hours). 

The next morning I got up, called my boys (they were still sleeping), got showered dressed and headed out to my training with a belly full of melon and cornflakes. 

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When I walked in to the training room there were 8 unknown faces (9 if you count the regional manager from the other side of the state).  It was pretty quiet, and training got underway with an over whelming amount of information.  As he day went on, we all started to relax and started getting to know each other a little better.  For the first time out loud, I shared how I stopped looking people in the eyes and how at my heaviest, I just wanted to hide.  At the end of my story, I was supposed to share how I felt after overcoming it. 

This is something I still struggle with.  I still have days where I don’t know what to feel.  I still have days when I see a different person in the mirror.  Maybe it’s because I was able to take the weight off fairly quickly for the amount I had to loose, maybe it’s because I’m still hanging on to those feelings of failure that I built up for so long.  I still find it easier to feel those feelings I felt before; the shame, the disappointment, the disgust.  Every once in a while the pride, and amazement in myself creeps in, so I’m getting there.

After training that night I went to dinner with my roommate and after our meal, for the first time ever in my life, I worked out in a hotel fitness facility.  Of course I called my boys on the way to dinner, when I got back to the hotel, after my workout and before bed (can’t tell I missed them, can you?).  That night after my workout and shower, I got to spend even more time getting to know my roommate. 

What an amazing woman!  Seeing her before picture and knowing her struggle, I was honored to be in a training class with her.  It is amazing the things we are capable when we put our mind to it, believe in the process and commit to change.

The next morning at training, the atmosphere was totally different.  We were no longer a room full of strangers, we were all friends and the roar of laughter, chatting and excitement coming from the training room that I’m sure caused a bit later of a start Sunday morning. 

As far as the training goes, it was amazing.  I learned so much about myself and the Weight Watchers process, but even better, I learned more about the people I spent the weekend with.  At the end of training, I was happy to be heading home to my family, but sad to leave the people I had gotten to know over the weekend, not knowing when I would get to see them again.

It’s amazing what being in a room full of inspiration can do for a person.  There were people who had lost 25 pounds, some that had last more than 100 pounds, but every person had committed to change and were now standing up in front of a room of people with confidence and ease.  I couldn’t be more proud to have been in the training class that I was.  We all exchanged emails at the end of the training and I can’t wait until the next company training where I hope to get to see them all again.

 
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Posted by on December 9, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Leader Training Just Around the Corner

I’m super excited to say I have training to become a Weight Watchers leader in about a week and a half.  I’m so excited!  Not only am I looking forward to the motivation to stay at goal weight (you can’t be a leader if you’re not at goal), but I’m really looking forward to sharing my story with other people and hearing about others’ weight loss journeys.

Losing weight is not an easy mission to accomplish.  It never comes off as fast as we want it to, when it does come off, the scars physical and emotional scars left behind, stick with us much longer and once the pounds are gone, it’s a constant battle to keep them gone.  There are some of us who will always have to watch what we eat and will always have to spend hours at the gym to keep our metabolism moving.  It is a constant battle, one that doesn’t end at goal weight.  That’s why I’m so excited about this next chapter in my life, because that is what it is.  I have changed my life, and I’ve changed it for good.

Like another leader said to me the other day, the reason I want to be a leader isn’t about being paid, it’s about motivating myself and others to get healthy and be happier.  I know how inspired I am on a regular basis by all the wonderful people at my meeting and I’m so looking forward to more.

That being said, it will be my first time going away from my family by myself since I met my husband 7 years ago.  My husband went away for military training on a regular basis early in our relationship and our marriage (right up until last year really), and he and I have gone away fro a night without our kids, but I have never gone by myself and left them at home…

 
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Posted by on November 26, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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