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Zumba for my Best

A couple months back I got my license to be a zumba instructor. I’m super excited to say I’ll be instructing a class this fall 2 days a week. In the meantime, I’m participating in a fundraiser for local families dealing with cancer. I lost my best childhood friend to cancer a few years back. I miss her everyday and am so glad I can be a part of this fundraiser. My cool down song I chose with her in the very front of my mind.
Every time I dance Lace, I think of you and today I will close my eyes and let you surround me and wish for the day you could “beam me up” for just a minute.

 
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Posted by on July 26, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Re-trying some Challenges

A little over a week ago, I started the Mean Abs Challenge.  A few days in, with the craziness of our move, I’ve been slacking on it.  I’m lucky to make it to my regular work outs.  I’ve decided that starting tonight, I’m going to re-start the challenge.  I just didn’t have the motivation going in to this one that I did going into the squat challenge a month ago.

I’m also planning to redo the squat challenge at the same time.  I’m going to be changing it up a little.  I’m going to be doing Pilates squats.  I don’t know if that is the technical term for it, but that’s what I’ve heard them called so that’s what I’m calling them (squats with toes pointed out).

We’ll see how those go for me this month.  Next month I’ll probably be starting a 100 day burpee challenge.  I could use the help/work up on those.  My burpees are like floppees; not pretty, at all!

And tonight, before a busy few days of moving, I’m heading out for some me time at WOD and maybe some zumba with my big sis.  We’ll see how much stuff I get done in the small amount of time I have.  Wish me luck!

 
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Posted by on June 6, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Time to go Shopping

Today was a great workout day!  I missed my Wednesday night zumba last night because I had to work.  I haven’t missed a day of zumba since I started going a few months ago unless I was at another workout (or I missed 1 with the flu).  I was feeling pretty awful about not going last night.  Not that I could help it.  I was making some much needed money so there wasn’t a choice.

After I left work, I decided since I didn’t make it to zumba, I would walk to my husband’s work.  We are a one car family and he wasn’t supposed to be out of work for at least a half an hour.  I made it 2 miles before he called to ask where I was so he could pick me up.  I would have made it all the way to his work, but about 5 minutes in I developed a blister on the top of my foot (my shoes were too big and it’s not like I had a spare pair of sneakers with me).

So after feeling pretty lazy yesterday, I decided today I was really going to push myself.  After a day of packing and unpacking (yup, we’re moving!) I went to WOD for an hour.  I did tons of frog jumps, some rowing, some burpees and on and on.  I was so hot and sweaty that even the skin on my arms was bright red.  After WOD, I decided to stay for zumba. 

I do WOD at a different gym than I usually do zumba at, so it was a different place, some different songs and a different atmosphere.  I spent some time getting a little lost of some of the songs I hadn’t done before (and it was harder to hide since it was a smaller crowd) but I managed and it was fun.  Don’t get me wrong, I love doing zumba where I usually do it, but I spent more time smiling, I may have even laughed a time or two, which is unheard of during a workout.

I also had a bit of an I need to go shopping moment.  At they gym I was at tonight, they do zumba in front of a mirror.  There I was in my yoga pants and my 2x shirt, and seeing myself in the mirror I decided it might be time to take this shirt out of circulation.  I’m now wearing a medium to a large so this 2x, as you can imagine is rather flattering. 

I know for me the purpose of a workout isn’t to look sexy, but looking in the mirror, I determined, I have earned all 60 of the pounds I have lost, I deserve to look like it everywhere I go, even if it’s to the gym to get red faced and sweaty.  So I guess it’s time for a trip to Goodwill!

Oh and after all this, I’m up to 220 squats in my squat challenge so I guess I better get my butt up off the couch and get it over with, before my earlier workouts catch up with me.

 
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Posted by on May 23, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Getting Ready for a New Challenge

I added working out to my diet about 3 months ago.  I have loved ZUMBA since the very first time that I went.  It burns lots of calories and for me, it’s fun.  After doing zumba 3 times a week for about 3 months, I think my body is starting to get used to it.  Don’t get me wrong, at the end of an hour, I’m sweating and panting like crazy, but about 5 minutes later after I cool off, it doesn’t even feel like I did anything.

I know I have stepped up my intensity in my work outs at zumba, and I know I will continue to, but I have decided it’s time for a new challenge.  One that is the ultimate challenge for me (if running wasn’t enough of an ultimate challenge).

On Wednesday I’m going to a class called my WOD (workout of the day).  I have to admit I’m terrified.  this class incorporates a lot of the things I hate and have always said I can’t do.  It includes some of the aspects of a CrossFit workout (without the weight lifting aspect).  I see lots of burpees, push-ups, squats, rowing and probably vomiting in my future.

While for some that doesn’t sound like a “fun” workout (myself included) I am ready to push myself beyond the limits of my comfort zone.  I have spent years telling myself I can’t do something, making excuses to not even try.  I don’t want to do that anymore.  I’m ready to prove to myself I am capable of things I never imagined.  I may look like one of the Biggest Loser contestants on the first day in the gym on Wednesday, probably all blacking out and throwing up, but at the end of the day it is my decision to keep going or to give up and I know I can do this. 

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I know I’m going to be pushed by the trainers to a point where I quite literally might think I’m going to die, but I won’t, in fact it will add years on to my life.  I’m ready for a new challenge.  I won’t give up zumba entirely because I simply love it too much, but I’m ready!  I’m excited and extremely terrified!  I’ll let you know how it goes.

 
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Posted by on April 22, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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How do I look?

I’ve been wearing blinders for the last few years.  I was convinced I didn’t look as heavy as the scale said I did, I was sure while I weighed more than 260 pounds, there was no way I looked like I weighed more than 200 (not like that is small, but it’s def smaller than I was).  I saw people on shows like the Biggest Loser and saw their weight was the same as mine and I thought to myself, “There is no way I look that big!”

Looking back, with 42 pounds gone and a lot more to go, I have realized I was only kidding myself.  I see pictures of myself that I refer to as my “thinspiration” and as cliche as it is, I can’t believe I let myself get to that point.  I’m disappointed, and disgusted and woken up.

Last night while I was at Zumba, there was a girl who was on the heavier side and she struggled to do a lot of the moves.  Her steps were small and her movements were not like a lot of the other people in the room.  She really inspired me.  She stood in the front row and gave it what she had for the entire hour.  I found myself giving more, because she was giving it all she had.  While I hid in my spot in the back, no longer blind to the fact that I am one of the fat chicks in my zumba class, I wished for her courage to stand in the front row.  Maybe some day soon, I’ll find myself there, but not yet.  I can hardly talk myself into the middle of the gym, let alone the front.

I have made a goal for myself, other than my weight loss goal, and that is to keep my eyes wide open.  I never want to hide the truth from myself again.  I never want to have to.

This picture was taken of me a couple summers back, not even at my heaviest.  Looking at this I think I look the 250 pounds I was carrying.

This picture was taken of me a couple summers back, not even at my heaviest. Looking at this I think I look the 250 pounds I was carrying.

 
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Posted by on March 23, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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I Miss my Friend

The other night, as we pulled into the parking lot on the way to Zumba, I recognized the license plate of the car parked next to us.  I hurried into the locker room, hoping to catch someone I haven’t seen in years.  I got changed and as I was about to leave the locker room I saw my best friend’s mother.

Our greeting was complete with big hugs and shrieks of happiness catching most of the people in the locker rooms attention.

She looked great.  She looked happy!  And yet I still had to try hard to fight back tears.  She had been like a mother to me, I spent so many hours in her home in high school, it was like I lived there.  It had been about 6 years.  When I got engaged, my hubby and and we spent about 2 hours sitting on her porch in the sunshine talking and laughing.  I’m angry at myself for letting that much time go by, but then sometimes, it hurts to see her without Lacy.

Lacy was my best friend from as far back as I can remember.  We spent countless hours talking about boys, eating veggies and dip, dancing in the living room, cruising around (like teenagers tend to do in a small town where things rarely happen) and sharing secrets.  Her smile could light up a room and when she laughed it was infectious.  She was beautiful, in all senses of the word.  In our high school yearbook she listed me as one of her heroes and now I count her as mine.

Lace was diagnosed with a rare form of adolescent bone cancer (Ewings Sarcoma) when she was 18 years old.  She went through very intense treatments that made her so sick, she had to be hospitalized every time she had chemo.  Her beautiful dark hair fell out in clumps.  She was afraid to wash her hair.  I remember the tears of sadness, hurt and of fear as she fought her mother not to wash it, in fear more would fall out.

Those moments where you saw her struggle with what she was going through were very few and far between.  She forged a fight like I had never seen before.  She cracked jokes about her illness (“The good thing about chemo is you never have to shave your legs,”) she kept smiling that smile and she kept dancing.  Lace loved to dance, and she never let the pain stop her.

After a bout of sandwich chemo (chemo for 2 weeks, then radiation, then back to chemo) for several months, Lace was in remission.  No words ever sounded so sweet!

The celebration was short lived.  We found out right around her 21st birthday that the cancer had spread to her lungs.  I remember some of us girls were supposed to get together and Lace called me and told me she wasn’t feeling up to it.  I remember how the tears flowed as she told me the news.  I had been hopeful and this was the last thing we were hoping for.  But she remained hopeful, still smiling that smile.  She started going to get experimental treatments that worked for a while before the cancer started to grow again.

I was at work one night when we got the news that Lace had experienced a brain bleed while on her way to her treatments.  She had lost a lot of mobility and the cancer had spread to her brain.

With all that bad news, her hospital room was still always filled with laughter.  That was the room the nurses wanted to go in.  We would spend hours talking and laughing and all just being together.

They started radiation on her brain and she eventually made it home.  She stayed in a hospital bed in her living room since she was unable to take the stairs to get to her room.

She was doing so well, or seemed to be.  But then, Lace always smiling and laughing, always seemed to be ok.

On September 25th 2006, I got the news I had never wanted or expected to hear.  In an instant my world would never be the same.  Lace was gone. The best friend and the best woman I have ever known was gone.

Her mom took every minute she had to be with Lace.  She took leave from work and took her to every treatment, every doctor’s appointment and shared every quiet moment that the rest of us were shielded from.  When I see her face, I see Lacy and so many memories, smiles, and tears.  Seeing her reminds me of a place I will never be again, with my friend.  I guess that’s why I haven’t tried as hard as I could to see her more often.

Right before Zumba started, she walked up to be and pointed to my Livestrong bracelet. (Lace got me one the Christmas after she was first diagnosed, and while I’ve had to buy new ones since then, I have not gone a day without wearing it since)  She tapped my wrist and smiled, that beautiful smile (I know that’s where Lace got it from) and said “She’s always with you isn’t she?”

Yes, she certainly is.

Seeing her mom the other night reminded me how very much I miss my friend.  There never has or ever will be anyone like her ever again in this world.  Seeing her also made me realize I shouldn’t be avoiding her mom because I miss Lace, but I should be spending more time with her.  I see so much of Lace in her.  I see perseverance and determination.  I see that smile and hear that laugh and I’m taken back to the many hours I spent with Lacy.

I feel guilty for not keeping better touch with her, but I’m going to do my best to change that.  Not only is my best friend gone, but so is her daughter.  I think maybe she needs me as much as I need her.

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I’m gearing up for my second year participating in Relay for Life.  I relay for Lace and all the other best friends.  I still pick up the phone to call her sometimes.  I wonder what her life would be like now.  I wish she could meet my husband and my babies.  I wish we could turn up the radio, and dance until our breath was gone.  Someday…. someday

 
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Posted by on March 15, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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I said I survived…

So on Sunday I went for my first run since high school.  I was feeling pretty good, muscles a little tight but other than that, not so bad right?

WRONG!  As the day wore on the more sore I got and by Monday morning, it hurt to cough.  I’m pretty sure the only muscles that weren’t sore were the ones in my face.

I thought about skipping Zumba but decided maybe that would be the best thing for me.  Again, I felt so good during class and directly after, but as soon as I sat down in the car, all those muscles tightened up again and all night last night I could hardly move!

Today, so much better but I have to say, I’m not sure I’m looking forward to my Sunday run nearly as much as I was.  I have been saying I like to be a little sore after a workout because I actually feel like I did something.  I’m pretty sure I’ve changed my mind about that.

 
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Posted by on March 12, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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